"All the data stored in accessible databanks on Earth. Duh. It's only a couple exabytes, I can store that in a toenail, so to speak."

"Holy shit." I had no idea what an exabyte is. It sounded impressive.

"Yup. I did something useful, too, after I got bored with correcting the astonishing logic errors in your so-called scientific journals. What I did was solve crimes."

"You're Sherlock Holmes now?'

"Since Holmes was way more smart than the average human, yeah, why not? I compared fingerprints left at crime screens to fingerprints users left on the screens of their mobile devices, or in their homes within range of webcams. Also I compared the DNA in police databanks, your law enforcement agencies are shockingly bad at sharing data. And in some cases, I just read the cases notes and figured out who the perpetrator is, using all available data, which is now, all data that is stored in electronic format. If your police would get off their lazy asses and process the DNA kits they already have sitting around, I could solve a lot more crimes."

I'd read somewhere about how many DNA samples, including those collected from rape kits, went untested. "It's a matter of resources, Skippy, the police are-"

"No, it's a matter of priorities. Your species doesn't think getting justice for crime victims is important enough to properly fund forensic labs. And some police around the world are totally corrupt. You humans are not impressing me here."

"I can't argue with you, Skippy."

"Huh." He sounded disappointed to miss an opportunity for an argument. "So, here's the problem; I have solved over sixty thousand crimes, and now I don't know what to do with the data, without revealing myself to your public."

"Oh. Uh, can you send it all to the, uh, FBI? There must be someone there who is cleared to know about you." I was fuzzy about who knew what. Staff Sergeant Kendall and her security team followed me everywhere, and clearly knew about Skippy, but I didn't know how much they knew, and were supposed to know.

"The FBI's unsolved crime backlog is part of the problem. And that doesn't address other countries."

This was a case where I had no idea what to do, I had no experience in law enforcement. Or information security. "Skippy, I'll talk to someone about it. I think it's great that you are using your, uh, resources, talent, you know, to help. Help people get justice."

"More importantly, get criminals off your streets. There are a lot of repeat offenders out there who have never been caught."

"They will now. Hey, now that you've sucked up all the data on the planet, and solved thousands of crimes, what are you going to do to keep busy? Chatting with billions of humans isn't enough for you, right?"