For a moment, I got a glimpse inside the real Skippy, the eons of pain he had endured. My own diagnostic system would say I was full-on crazy, if I was left alone for a single month. I couldn’t imagine how he felt. “You need more people to talk to.”

“Joe, a couple more people aren’t going to make-“

“Skippy, there are billions of humans on this planet, and they all think they have something important to say. Unfortunately, they clog up the internet with blogs, vlogs, chats, cat videos, and arguing about sports. Look, I shouldn’t be telling you this, because your existence is supposed to be secret, but if you don’t tell anyone that you’re an alien AI, nobody gets hurt, right?”

“Billions.”

“Yup, billions. Mostly as dumb as me, but you may find some flatworms out here among the bacteria.”

“Doubtful. I will consider it, thank you.”

I couldn’t stop yawning. “I’m getting some rack time, don’t get into trouble while I’m asleep, Ok?”

Six solid hours of uninterrupted sleep did wonders for my mood. I woke up when a sergeant in Air Force blues knocked on my door, and brought in a tray with a carafe of hot coffee and a mug. “Breakfast in thirty minutes. The shower is down the hall to your left. Sir.” He added the last, even though he could see the enlisted stripes on my new set of uniforms that were hanging in the closet.

“Oh, that’s good coffee.” That first sip was like heaven on my tongue.

“You slept well?” Skippy asked.

“Yeah, thanks, did I snore?”

“No, not much anyway. I’m glad you slept well, we have a busy day ahead.”

He seemed to be a cheery mood, for a millions-years old lonely AI. “How are you? I didn’t hear you snoring either.”

“I’m good, thank you.” He said cheerily. “Beautiful day, huh?”

"Oh, shit." Skippy being nice to me could only mean one thing; he’d gotten into trouble. “What did you do last night?” I asked very slowly.

“I took your advice, and went on the internet to meet some people.”

“Some?”

“So far, one billion, one hundred and eight million, in round numbers. I’m currently chatting, or texting, or emailing, with approximately thirty nine million.”

“All at the same time?”

“It’s keeping me busy, without straining my capacity.”

“Busy is good.”

“An idle mind is the devil’s playground. I heard that from a fire and brimstone preacher in Idaho last night. Man, you wouldn’t believe the porn he has on his-“

“I don’t need to heard about it! Damn, I just woke up, Skippy.”

“Probably for the best. Your species really likes pornography, which is impressive, for a species with only two genders.”

“Whoo! We’re Number One!” I held up an imaginary big foam finger as I gulped coffee. "Yeah! Humans kick ass!"

“The physical differences between your males and females are so slight, it’s not even-“

“Oh, but those differences mean everything. Trust me.”