I felt the same. I had killed before, but always at a distance, always rifle rounds reaching out to kill, to kill people I couldn't always see clearly. This was different. In my rage, I had crushed the Kristang's skull like a ripe melon, there were broken bits of white bone, dark red blood, and everything else was like lumpy gray mashed potatoes or Thanksgiving turkey stuffing, just icky unidentifiable bits. "Breathe," I said, "breath deep and slow." It wasn't clear if I was talking to Adams or to myself, for my stomach was heaving.

We both stood leaning against the wall, overcome with shock, breathing deeply. She got control of her stomach first, I was coming down off a frightening adrenaline high. She walked over to the Kristang's prone body, and to my utter surprise, kicked it viscously. "I recognized this fucker. He's the asshole who tortured me." She leaned over and spat where its face used to be. "Are you Ok, sir?"

"Uh." There was dark red Kristang blood splattered over the front of me, including on my face. My left pinky finger was bent and began to throb as I noticed it, I don't remember when it got sprained or whatever. "Yeah, fine."

"What now, sir?"

I looked at her blankly, still thinking like a buck sergeant. She was a staff sergeant, and outranked me, so, oh, yeah. Shit. I'm a colonel now. For whatever that was worth. A colonel in an army that was trapped on an enemy-held planet. A colonel in an army that had handed me over to another enemy, to be executed for the crime of trying to keep a shred of my humanity. "Adams, I say we search this place for other prisoners and food supplies. Then we steal some transport and pop smoke." Meaning, get the hell out of there.

“Oorah." She said, which was the jarhead equivalent of the proper US Army ‘Hooah’.

I looked at the Kristang rifle in my hands. "Better find out if this thing works." It didn't appear to have any damage from me using it as a club against its former owner. I pointed it at the dead Kristang, braced it against my shoulder, and pulled the trigger. Nothing. "Huh." A button, there was a yellow button on the right side, above the trigger. Depressing the button made it turn red. This time, the trigger worked, an explosive-tipped round hit the Kristang's torso, and a fountain of gore splattered back onto me. Not that I could tell the difference. "Yellow means safety is on, red means safety is off."

"Got it."