Along with a crash course in agriculture, I got a few more perks. As a colonel now, I had my own hamvee, and I had a driver, a Private Randall, at my new home base, on the border between the American and Chinese sectors. "Holy shit." I couldn't believe it when Randall showed me my assigned car. Literally, what I saw stopped me in my tracks.. The hamvee was a standard Ruhar vehicle, with a UNEF symbol on both sides and the roof. And a three foot tall, purple stuffed Barney strapped to the front grill. "We're a thousand lightyears from Earth, how in the hell did you idiots get a Barney?" Every possible bit of gear we needed had to make the long trip to Ecuador, up the space elevator, onto a Kristang ship, to a Thuranin carrier, through wormholes, then a reverse trip down to the surface of Paradise. All our gear had been carefully inspected to make the best use of every pound of mass and square meter of space. Yet, somehow, some joker had managed to sneak a giant stuffed Barney doll into a container. What I wanted to know was, for fuck's sake, why? And what else had people snuck aboard, that was now clandestinely scattered across the surface of Paradise?

"We tactically acquired it, sir." Randall said with a straight face.

"Meaning you stole it."

"Gear adrift is a gift, sir. We wanted to make you feel welcome. Joke's over, I'll take it off the grill."

"No, what the hell, leave it." My hamvee was no more a joke than the idea of me being a full bird colonel. I walked to the front and inspected the grinning purple dinosaur. "Maybe the hamster kids will like it.

It was while I was out planting potatoes that we found our first fortune cookie. The last time we had communication from Earth was when the final group of humans arrived at Camp Alpha, and I had been in the third to last convoy to get there. Since we landed on Paradise, there had been no communication either to or from Earth; the Kristang said the military situation in space didn't allow them the luxury of sending humans, even injured medivac cases, back to Earth. We were stuck on Paradise for the duration of the mission, which was more open-ended than any human was comfortable with. UNEF command fretted about not being able to send status reports to, or receive orders and advice from, Earth. Ordinary soldiers like me worried about our family and friends back on Earth. Had governments made progress on restoring electricity and other infrastructure? Were supplies and reinforcements on their way to us? Had the Ruhar attacked Earth again? The burgermeister had told me it was extremely unlikely the Ruhar would, or could, mount another expedition to Earth within the next few years. Assuming she was telling me the truth.