The fourth time they met, they found a nook in the corner of the library, ignored their homework, and talked about books, movies, and whether or not the other Harry should have ended up with Hermione (obviously, that was a decided yes).

“Oh hey,” Harry said after a minute, and Shiva noticed his ears had gone red again. “I was wondering if, um, if you wanted to go get a takeaway. There’s the Chinese place around the corner? Not today, I mean, not unless you want to. Just . . . sometime.”

“You’re afraid of going out for coffee again, aren’t you?” she teased him, because she didn’t know how to say yes without squealing.

He grinned. “Guilty. Your dad’s a little intense.”

“I think it’s because he’s a doctor. He takes sexual health very seriously.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

Shiva tensed immediately. “Oh.”

“I don’t mean it like it’s a bad thing,” Harry said hastily. “Just that it felt like he wanted a certain answer from me and wasn’t happy that he didn’t get it?”

Shiva considered brushing it off like she so often did, but she was tired of dancing around it and she wanted more from Harry. “He wanted to see whether or not you’re capable of recognizing and undoing a lifetime of programming,” she said bluntly.

“What?” He was startled.

“You know there’s more than one side to every story, so why haven’t you ever paid attention to the other side of this one? Why haven’t you ever wondered what they’re not telling us at school? I learned very early that I was not being told the truth. My parents made sure I got my information from more than one place. You told my dad it was a good thing that people in the former colonies were taught English because it opened doors and that’s probably true, but you haven’t considered why it was necessary to open those doors in the first place.”

“Shiva,” he said quietly, “it was one conversation. It doesn’t mean I’ve been programmed.”

What if he doesn’t want to figure shit out?

“Of course you have. We all have. You just don’t notice because the program has been meticulously designed to benefit you.”

He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Shiva stood up and started packing up her books. “I didn’t want to have this conversation. I wanted to drink cider and not do our homework and go get Chinese food. But I’m not going to not say things either.” She zipped up her schoolbag. “I have to go.”

He didn’t come after her.

The fifth time Shiva met Harry, she almost missed him altogether. He wasn’t in any of his usual places in the library. She told herself she wasn’t disappointed.