For a second I think she’s talking about feeding me a lychee before I drag my mind from the trouble of James and really look at what’s happening on Design. It’s Clary making pros and cons lists for both Braden and Erica.

“You want me to go out with two people at once?” I ask.

My mother gestures impatiently toward the screen. “No, I want you to have the world that is this show. This show is about finding success here, on this side of the sea. Happiness. Privilege. You deserve that.”

“Um. All the main characters are kind of pathetic, Mom.”

“Pathetic in what way? They live in big houses and shop whenever they want. How is it bad of me, wishing my daughter to want those same things?”

“What I mean is, Clary’s literally weighing the virtues of butt against boobs while weepy-drunk.”

“She’s showing her emotions. It’s liberating.”

“She’s drinking wine from the bottle with a straw.”

“But that looks like very fancy wine. You can’t buy anything like that in Chinatown, even if you wanted to.”

My mother deftly peels open another lychee with her strong fingers, the painted tips of her nails carefully filed.

I feel the dig of those fingers in my own chest, trying to guide my heart, wanting to set its course.

Right before bed I get a text on my cell.

Hey there Holly, it’s Nathan Lau of Parks and Rec on an old TV in Foo’s restaurant kitchen, remember? (And I honestly hope you do because otherwise this text is going to be really weird, and if we ever run into each other let’s both pretend it never happened. Deal? Deal.) Anyway, it’s been a while, and I hear our dads thought it’d be cool for us to catch up. So here I am, texting hi, wondering if you’d like to meet for coffee one day (and I can finally confess in person how I cheated each time we played Rock, Paper, Scissors). Nathan

My dad says Nathan’s grown even taller than him, but other than that, I have no idea how he’s changed. I click on his profile photo to blow it up.

Okay, unreal shoulders, amazing hair, a grin instead of a smirk and it’s a grin that’s a mile wide. There are hints of the smug boy I’d known, a sense of familiarity that only makes me more curious of what’s new about him.

Seriously, he’s cute. Cute enough that it makes me pause. So that Grandma’s words come and fill my head.

Your mother wants the best for you, but she forgets how that should mean choice.

Maybe I was too quick to laugh at Clary’s pros and cons lists.

Maybe I should have made them from the start and then Kyle and Aaron and Zach would never have happened.

Fine.