“It does matter,” she insisted, still sounding angry. “I feel completely comfortable at home and I am treated as an equal, but I cannot step beyond the borders of this estate without being treated as grossly inferior, and you cannot comprehend the things people have said about me—and sometimes to my face. You can say that it doesn’t matter, but this is the society in which we live. No human being can live a completely isolated life. You speak of courting me as if it were nothing out of the ordinary; I fear you would very quickly come to see it as an irreversible mistake. And then what? Courting implies the possibility of marriage. It’s impossible, Henry. Impossible!”

“Change never happens if someone doesn’t have the courage to do things differently. The fact that you are treated as less than equal to those who happen to be born British isn’t right.”

“It might not be fair or right,” she said, “but you and I do not have the power to make such great changes.”

“No, but we might make a little bit of difference for even a few people. However, this is not about making a change in the world, Amala; not to me. You’re right. Courting implies the possibility of marriage. I don’t know if it would come to that, but I hope it will.”

“And what of the children who would come from such a marriage?” she asked as if he were on trial. “Such children are evilly persecuted and cast out in India. Do you really think it would be any different here? And don’t tell me that the love of a good family could make up for whatever else they might face. Their entire lives would be different and filled with hardship because I would be their mother.”

Henry felt his heart sinking further and further down toward the growing knot in his stomach. She had obviously given the matter a great deal of thought, but she was also shedding tears that mingled poignantly with her anger. He sat in silence beside her, taking in everything she’d said while she wiped the tears off her cheeks. She finally said, “You can let go of my arm. I’m not going to run away.”

Henry did let go, but only so he could hold her hand. She seemed surprised but didn’t resist. “What are you saying, Amala?” he asked as it all began to fully sink in. “That you intend to live your life as some kind of nun?”

Henry was surprised by the conviction of her answer, as well as how quickly it came out of her mouth. “Not officially, of course. But unless I leave my family and go back to India—which I will not—then I simply have to accept that marriage and children are not a possibility for me.”