“And it likely never will be,” Paulina murmured gently. “Time will help heal the wounds, but you are forever changed. And this is an experience that you must mostly keep in your heart. But you know you can always show your whole heart to me, my chocolate sweetie.”

“I know,” Amala said. “That’s why I don’t want you to go.”

“I’m not going anywhere yet,” Paulina said. “By the time I decide where I’m going next, I’m certain you’ll be much stronger.”

Amala could only hope so, and she determined to enjoy Paulina’s company and support while it lasted.

* * * *

Throughout the next week or so, Amala spent more time with her family, but she still chose to spend more time alone than usual in her rooms, acknowledging with Paulina’s support and insight that she was grieving the loss of her relationship with Henry and that it was a sorrow that her family could not understand because they were unaware of it.

On Sunday she declared she was feeling too unwell to attend church and stayed home; Paulina stayed with her. Amala didn’t know how she could ever face the vicar again, and she told Paulina so. But she couldn’t keep telling her family that she felt ill every Sunday.

Henry came to visit, and Amala managed his presence better than she’d anticipated, although she definitely felt herself reach a point where she could no longer maintain her acting abilities and she feigned a headache, escaping to her room. While she sat alone and cried, longing to be alone with Henry so much that it hurt, she couldn’t deny her gratitude that her foibles had not interfered with the relationships he shared with her family members. It truly would have broken their hearts if he’d stopped coming to visit, and they never would have understood why.

The following day at lunch, Paulina announced that she was making plans to travel across the channel to the continent and spend a significant amount of time in three different locations where she had previously put down some roots and had friends and connections, people she’d not seen for a long time and wanted to spend time with. Amala’s heart felt immediately heavy, and she found it difficult to keep eating when her appetite lessened suddenly. She listened while Paulina talked of her plans to go to Spain, Italy, and France, and of the friends she had in all of these places, since she’d actually lived in each place at one time and in fact owned living quarters that would be there for her whenever she chose to return. She intended to send off letters that very day to those who could make preparations for her arrival at her first intended destination in France. She would, of course, be taking with her the two servants who traveled with her all the time.