“It was nicer for me when I didn’t know you were faking it,” Stuart finally said. Fuck taking it slow. “Your MS. You don’t have MS. You never did.”

Mandy sucked in her breath. Stuart knew. It sounded like he’d known for a while. She felt so stupid. But did he really have to be such a dick about it? If she’d gone to all the trouble to formulate such an elaborate lie, she must have been in a bad place to begin with. Where was his compassion?

“I don’t know, maybe I’ve watched too many bad movies, but it made sense to me. I wanted to stay in bed, so I gave myself a reason to stay in bed.”

“So you fucking lied to me about going to the doctor and all the vitamins you had to take? And what about the prescriptions; you faked those too?”

“Yeah, I just put Midol and vitamin C in old prescription bottles,” Mandy admitted. “I did leave the house though. I got better. All those great meals I made?” She left out the part about the stolen food boxes. Maybe stealing was a side effect of lying. Anyway, she’d just paid for her very own Grandma’s House subscription. The first box was coming tonight.

“But you lied. To me and Ted. And what about the pot? You kept telling me how much it was helping. Helping with what?” Stuart could hear his voice getting louder and louder but he couldn’t stop. A few people moved away from them and closer to the bonfire, which Roy was dousing with lighter fluid.

“The more I think about it, the more I realize I just needed to,” Mandy said slowly. She and Stu had been together too long for her to get defensive and make up a whole bunch of reasons for pretending to be sick. “I don’t really know what else to say. I feel better knowing that you know, if that makes any sense. At first it was sort of fun, sneaking around, but then I just felt crazy.”

“It is crazy. It’s fucking completely fucking crazy!” Stuart was yelling now.

“Sorry to butt in, but are you guys okay?” Peaches listed over to them with a creepy smile on her face. She looked disheveled and drunk. Every time Stuart thought he was in love with her he realized Mandy was maybe fatter, but much hotter.

Peaches could feel Greg watching them from the terrace. She’d been avoiding him since they arrived. He so desperately wanted her to introduce him to Stuart Little.

“She knows,” Stuart growled. “I mean she knows I know.”

“Uh-huh,” Peaches tossed her beer bottle into the still-unlit bonfire, smashing the glass. “So maybe it’s not such a big deal.”