“And then there’s the fat wife of the musician,” Wendy went on mercilessly, still voicing her tipsily cruel thoughts. “She’s so beautiful. If she didn’t have MS I’d send her to an agency for plus-size modeling. Even with the MS. She’s probably always played second fiddle to his music career, and then she got fat having a child, and then she fell ill,” she mused. “I’m going to help her.”

Roy wasn’t sure Mandy required any help, but Wendy had always needed to feel needed. At least she wasn’t focused on the Latin teacher anymore. Tupper was more worrisome. His eyes were slits. His face glistened with a grayish-green sheen.

“And I’m going to help him,” Roy said, starting toward the bar.

Monte was crowded now and stuffy. The sound system twanged with feedback. Someone put on the song “She’s Not There” by the Zombies.

“Well no one told me about her.…”

Roy bumped shoulders with Stuart Little.

“Hey man,” Stuart said. “I just texted your daughter to see how it’s going with Ted. She texted back a thumbs-up, so I guess it’s all good.”

“Mmm,” Roy said, still edging toward the bar. “Would you ex—”

“I’m actually just coming over to check on our bartender,” Stuart continued. He jutted his chin at Tupper. “He doesn’t look so good.”

Roy had Stuart marked as a self-absorbed nob, but now he was changing his mind. Besides, rescuing Tupper might be a two-person job. “Too right.” He slipped nervously into over-Britishness again. “I was just having a wee bit of a surreptitious peek at him meself.”

They reached the bar just as Tupper squeezed his eyes shut, bent over double, and threw up on his shoes.

“Easy there, tiger.” Stuart dashed around the bar and grabbed Tupper by the elbow, catching him before he fell. “Don’t worry about it. I have a kid. Stuff like this doesn’t bother me.”

“We’ll get you home,” Roy soothed from behind them. He took off his jacket, thinking he might throw it over the vomit. It was his Burberry one. Wendy would kill him. He put it back on again. “Is there a back door, do you think?”

“I’m not sure. I’ll ask.” Stuart texted Peaches while Tupper swayed and wavered in his puddle of puke. He wasn’t even lucid. He’d passed out standing up.

Roy tried not to be jealous that Stuart had Peaches’ number plugged into his phone. He held it up so Roy could read Peaches’ reply.

School nurse on her way!

“Should we notify his wife?” Roy asked.

The two men shared a bewildered glance.

Tupper’s head fell onto Stuart’s shoulder. They were both standing in puke.

“I’m all right,” Tupper murmured drunkenly.

“No, you’re not,” Stuart assured him. “But it’s cool.”

He texted Peaches again.

Hurry up.