I cried. This time it wasn’t silent tears. I sobbed as I thought of poor Greta. I couldn’t imagine Greta without Mattia. They’d been together for forty-five years this last August. They were always together. You didn’t see one without the other. Would she feel as if she had lost part of herself? How horrible that would be to love and be loved so deeply for most of your life then lose that person. That other half gone suddenly and you were left to keep going. Life didn’t stop, and you had to find a way to fight through the darkness and live. My heart ached for her, for her children and grandchildren who loved him so deeply. He’d been their center.

Yet, as painful as it would be, they were lucky they had experienced it. They’d known his love. Having him and losing him was better than never having him. My tears slowed as I thought of my father. His death had broken my heart. I’d been lost for a while, but his memory lived on and gave me strength. Once, I hadn’t been alone. For a few short years, I’d had a father who loved me. The crying had been for the loss of Mattia and the pain his family would experience, but I was crying for me, too. The little girl who had been loved once. The girl who had lost the only person on earth she knew loved her unconditionally. The loss at a time I didn’t know loneliness. The woman I had become was an expert at being alone. Heath and Margo loved me. I knew that, but the truth about me that they didn’t know would always cloud that for me. If they really knew me, would they love me?

“Are you ready to ride? I’ll take you wherever you want to go.” Rathe’s voice was deeper than normal. I stood there, not wanting to move from his embrace, but knowing I couldn’t stand here forever. Facing life and the ugliness that it held was there ahead of me. Clinging to Rathe wouldn’t make that go away. I let him go and stepped back. The warmth from his body began to fade, but I could smell him still on my shirt. I wish I could bottle that scent.