Charlotte was finding it increasingly difficult to entertain this subject no matter who entered the conversation.  She was aware that her discomfort showed and that Ellis saw it.  In response, he put one arm firmly around her shoulder and held her close as they walked.  She hugged herself in the chill of the fading afternoon sun and matched her stride to his slower pace.

“You have to speak,” he said.

“I can’t tell you anything,” she said.  “I just can’t do it.”

“How long were you out there?”

“I didn’t want to ever reach the fort.  I didn’t want any of what the future held for me.  But you knew that.  I said I would appreciate if it just took some time.”

“Why aren’t we at least mentioning his name?”

“Because I won’t.  Not to you.  Not to anybody.”

“I know we’ve talked about how wishing doesn’t mean one goddamn thing, but do you wish this had turned out differently?”

“It’s impossible to make you see,” she said, “and there’s nothing to be done about that.  I will tell you this much.  The answer to your question is no.  Every minute of my day is spent being grateful for this child that’s coming and that I’m here for the other four.”

“I can’t imagine it’s been easy, that part of it.”

“Nothing’s easy.  We’ve talked about that too.”

Charlotte felt him pause.

“I have two questions that I have to ask and you have to answer,” he said.  “First, do you know where he is?”

“Out there somewhere.”  She struggled inwardly.  “He told me things.  He showed me the valley.  We both understood that when he left he wouldn’t be back.  He always made me aware of that.  There was never anything hidden between us.”

“There’s the second question then.  Does he know?”

“No.”  She wrapped her arms more tightly around herself.

“Let’s turn around and go back,” Ellis said.

“We should.  Miller will think we killed each other.”

And then there was silence.  As they drew near to the fort the sun was sliding behind the trees and the air was growing cold.

“Charlotte?” Ellis said.

“Yes?”  She thought they’d reached some sort of peace, but his voice was tense.

“I’m going after him.”

“You can’t.  He’s out there for a reason.  He has to live his own life.  Leave him be.”

“I’ll choose to ignore what you know and go with what I know.”

“That’s not fair to anybody.  Least of all him.”

“No more,” Ellis said.  “Be quiet, though I’m aware that’s not something that comes naturally to you.  I’m leaving.”

“When?” she said, panicked.

“Right now.  Tell Miller where I’ve gone.”

<>

Ten days later Charlotte looked up from reading to Jeremy and Grace and there was Ellis, alone.

“I couldn’t find him.  I tried.”