It was nearly six and the judge still hadn’t come back. Another half hour and I was free to drop off my mobile home and dart over to Banana Republic to buy a more appropriate suit for the next day.

I wondered if the panel had come to a decision on Dell Nelson. I’d caught a glimpse of Dell in court earlier that day. He had been sitting between two guards behind the podium, so I only saw him for a split second when he stood to leave the courtroom. He was not at all as I’d expected. Actually, I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, but whatever it was, it wasn’t that slight, smooth-skinned man with probing eyes. He didn’t seem angry, just a bit confused, which was probably how I’d feel if I’d spent my adult life on death row, fighting a sleeping lawyer. It was strange to think, however, that he was fighting not to be free of prison, but rather to remain there for decades. Talk about a will to live.

As I stood to have a heart-to-heart with myself in the bathroom, the phone rang. It had to be the judge. Nobody else ever called. Janet had gone home and Matthew was in a stupor, so I answered.

“Good afternoon, Judge Fried—”

“JAAAANNNNEEETTTT??!!!”

“Um, Judge, Janet’s left for the day. It’s—”

“Damn it! Nobody works around there. Who is this?”

“Ah, it’s She—”

“Oh! SHEEEILLLLLAAAAA!”

I was beginning to hate my name.

“I’m in a HOLE! I’m in a HOLE!”

Huh? I put my hand over the phone and beckoned Matthew to help.

“I AM IN A HOLE. DID YOU HEAR ME???!!!!” For the billionth time in less than ten hours, we exchanged looks of pure puzzlement.

“Judge, I’m sorry. I just don’t understand what you’re saying,” I admitted.

“ARE YOU DEAF? I was driving, now I’m in a hole on Market Street.” The woman thought “How are you?” was an irrational question but thought the words “I’m in a hole on Market Street” were self-explanatory. Sensing a meltdown on my part, Matthew generously grabbed the phone.

“Judge, hello, it’s Matthew.”

“Thank God, someone who can do something.”

“What do you need, Judge?”

“Call the marshal. I’m in a hole on Market and Seventh, right outside the building. I was driving and my car is in a hole. I need to be towed out.”

“OK, we’ll be there in a minute.” And with that, he hung up. “She’s apparently under the ground somewhere in her car. Let’s just get our things and go see what she’s talking about.”