“I know it felt that way to you,” he said, “and I’m sorry. I told you I fucked up with you, and I did. I liked being with you far more than I should have. The minute I realized you were an innocent, I was careful with you. I wanted, maybe even needed, the friendship more than you did.”

Her eyelashes fluttered and she tilted her head to one side. Once again, her bottom lip was between her teeth. His heart somersaulted and his cock jerked. That mattered to her, his admission of need. He had to give her something of himself.

“A man in my position, Cat, doesn’t have family and has very few friends. Not even in the department. I work knee-deep in slime and I forget sometimes what the hell I’m even working for. I can’t remember the last time I laughed, not until I was with you. I can’t remember feeling light and easy and even happy, not until you. I couldn’t stop myself from getting involved with you. Every single day I told myself it had to stop, that I was getting in too deep and it wasn’t fair to you, but honest to God, Kitten, I couldn’t stop myself.”

His voice rang with honesty because it was the truth. She drew up her knees and rubbed her chin on top of them, regarding him with her blue eyes. She liked what she heard, that much he could see. It wasn’t redemption, but it gave her something to think about.

“You wouldn’t have kissed me if I hadn’t asked you to, would you?” she persisted.

“Would I have? I’d like to think I would have been a better man than that. I didn’t know about the decision to tell Cordeau where you were, swear to God, Catarina, but I knew you were thinking of running after you spotted Tuttle. Not just thinking about it. I tried to talk you out of it, but I knew you’d made up your mind.”

He scrubbed his hand over his face. “Damn it all, I didn’t want to lose you. I could tell you I did it so you would be safe from Cordeau. I knew you wouldn’t agree to testify against him. I didn’t think you really knew anything of use. To anyone else I used that excuse, that I wanted you safe from him, but the honest fucking truth is, I didn’t want to lose you. I knew if you left, I’d never see you again.”

She sucked in her breath, her eyes glued to his face.