"Like hell," he said. He pulled the plate as I let go. The vinaigrette splashed down the silk.

John Richard cursed.

I met his withering look and said, "Send me the cleaning bill."

He muttered something and moved off. I wasn't having a very good day.

Patty Sue appeared next to me and complained that no one was ready for dessert yet.

"Take over the food line," I commanded. "I need a break. Funerals for the wrong people depress me."

Once she had taken my place, I stared at the wall of photos. When it was my turn at the coffeepot I let the dark liquid gush into two of the deep Styrofoam cups with my logo on them. One was for me and one was for Vonette, who probably would be needing caffeine about now. But before I could deliver it I saw Fritz Korman chatting with Patty Sue again. This meant Patty Sue had slowed down in serving the food. I strolled back.

"Well hello, Goldy;" said my ex-father-in- law with his patented toothy grin. The light shone off strands of white hair carefully combed across his bald pate. His teeth gleamed as he directed his smile back to Patty Sue, the wolf welcoming Red Riding Hood. John Richard had inherited his hulking build from Fritz, which was shown off to good advantage in yet another silk shirt with fringed vest and pants.

I said, "Fritz, you look like you just stepped off the set of 'Bonanza.' "

He chucked me under the chin, unruffled. Fritz was like a man who was perpetually running for office, and he always treated me as if we were old friends or lovers or both.

"Has Patty Sue told you," I began as I set down the cups, "that her father is a doctor, too?"

"Why no," said Fritz, startled.

"But he isn't," said Patty Sue.

"Oh yes," I continued as I again began to flick out creamy glops of mayonnaise onto piles of salmon. "Patty Sue's father, the doctor, works in Washington, D.C. Very important fellow. Proctologist, to be exact."

"What?" said Patty Sue and Fritz in unison.

"The Pentagon proctologist," I rolled on, "who also gives political advice. He tells the generals working on Iran policy, Shove it up there where it hurts."

Success. A confused look passed over Fritz's face before he walked away. After a minute, Patty Sue started serving again.

"You need to get more mayonnaise from the kitchen," I advised as I handed her the bowl. "Quickly." When she returned I took the lukewarm coffee over to Vonette, who was bending Pomeroy Locraft's ear.

"It just makes me so sad," Vonette was saying, true to form. The sorrier and sadder she felt, the more she drank.

I said, "What makes you so sad?"

"Oh hi, Goldy," she replied. Pomeroy, tall, dark, thirtyish, and flannel shirted, nodded at me.