“Things happened for a reason,” she said sadly. “We could have been so good, you know? Like I think back, and I miss that feeling, that feeling of loving him without fearing him. I used to trust him so much. I used to wrap my arms around him on the back of his bike going a hundred down the highway in the rain and not have one worry, Ethic, because I knew he’d never let anything happen to me. And then he happened to me. He didn’t let anybody hurt me, but he hurt me. He was so close I never saw it coming, and the way I’ve held my breath since then, the way I haven’t really had a moment without aching inside since then—” Morgan paused. “I just want a love that doesn’t hurt.”

“You don’t always get to choose,” Alani said soothingly. She spoke so softly that Morgan wondered how she had ever found it in her heart to hate this woman.

“But I’ve felt it. I’ve felt a love that didn’t hurt at all, and it was lovely. It was healing. It’s the feeling I wish he could give me. Ahmeek loved me without effort.”

She closed her eyes again, and her face contorted just at the thought of Ahmeek Harris. How she had ended up here, without him, without Messiah, she didn’t even know.

“If he loved you that well, you would have chosen him,” Ethic said. “You never did. So he might love you. In fact, I believe that he does. I’ve seen him with you, with your kids. A man who loves on kids like that when they aren’t his can only have infinite love for their mother. So yeah, the nigga loves you, Mo, but how about you? You love him the same? Or you shortchanging that man so you can keep a little saved up for Messiah, cuz if that’s the case, you ain’t all the way right either.”

“What do you feel for Messiah, Mo?” Alani asked.

“Today, I loved him,” Morgan answered. “Today, I remembered what it was like to love him freely.” Morgan closed her eyes, and his face was there. “I hate him too, though. For hating me right now because even when I said I hated him, I never meant it. He never gives me the same. He never loves me the right way. So I hate him, and I mean it this time.”

“Same as love. You can’t hate a man without loving him first. Hate is just disappointed love, Mo,” Alani said.

“How do I forgive him?” Morgan asked.

“You just do,” Alani said. She looked up at Ethic as she spoke. “You reach down in your soul and choose to love him regardless of his flaws and of the mistakes he’s made.”

“Only Messiah didn’t make mistakes. He made choices. He made clear choices, and that choice was never me. He never picks me.” Morgan stood to her feet and pushed out a deep breath of angst. “I just need to clear my head for a bit. I’m going to call Aria. Go dance.”