| Sue: |
Did you beep me at lunchtime? |
| Rob: |
Yeah! Me and Pen yelled out but you were too busy getting fuel. |
|
Did you see me new ute, Miss? |
| Sue: |
I saw a ute but I didn’t know it was yours. |
| Rob: |
A Ford Falcon XR6 BA. It’s exactly the same as Dave’s. |
| Sue: |
Black with bars? |
| Rob: |
Sick, eh, Miss? |
|
Dave’s present for finishing school. |
| Sue: |
But you haven’t finished yet. |
| Rob: |
Close enough. |
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|
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Smoke ’em up, eh, Miss! |
| Sue: |
Young people and cars … |
| Rob: |
Chill, Miss. I’m a good driver. |
|
I’m gonna tell ya about Pen, Miss. |
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|
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Miss? |
| Sue: |
Okay. |
| Rob: |
Pen’s small but he’s the funny one. He knows lots of jokes and shit. And he’s funny because of what he does … he cracks us up. |
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Pen’s work can be seen all over the district. |
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He’s famous online and everything. |
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I’m not sayin’ Pen’s the next Banksy or anything ’cause he’s not. |
| Sue: |
So, he’s a graffiti artist? |
| Rob: |
Yep and he’s good. |
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But the only thing he’s good at painting is dicks and ballbags. |
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Miss? |
| Sue: |
I heard. |
| Rob: |
Well, say something. |
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|
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Pen paints big dicks, |
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small dicks, |
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red dicks, |
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blue dicks, |
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green dicks. |
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He has to use a ladder for the big ones but the rest are easy. They can be found at the servo on Bells Road … |
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The big Shell in town … |
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Umm, let me think … |
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|
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The school. |
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The community hall. |
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The back of the RSL. |
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All over the joint. |
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There was a really cool one on the back of the toilet block of the Catholic Church but this blackfella woman painted over it. It was huge. |
| Sue: |
The giraffe? |
| Rob: |
Yeah! |
|
You saw it? |
| Sue: |
Couldn’t miss it. |
| Rob: |
It looked like a giraffe on steroids, pretty bloody funny, eh! |
|
Miss? |
|
Now every time Pen makes art, this blackfella … |
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Lady … |
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Comes along and paints over it. |
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We didn’t notice her here until about three months ago. Everyone reckons her work looks funnier than Pen’s ’cause every animal she paints looks like a big dick with legs and a face. |
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Like, she’s getting better, but … |
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Well, you know… |
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She needs more practice, eh, Miss? |
| Sue: |
Bless her cotton socks. |
| Rob: |
I don’t know nothin’ about blessin’ people. |
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Shaz goes to church every time Dave pisses off, but … I don’t know how church works. Do you, Miss? |
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I’ll have to ask Shaz. |
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But it’s not good for Pen when Shaz goes to church. Mrs Watson’s there and she threw the biggest mental. Poor Shaz got a mouthful. |
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So, yeah … now the Catholic Church’s a no-go zone. |
| Sue: |
But why doesn’t Pen paint something … |
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More appealing? |
| Rob: |
Because. |
| Sue: |
Because why? |
| Rob: |
Because he doesn’t wanna. |
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And because adults don’t like seeing big dicks and knobby nuts painted around town. |
| Sue: |
Ask a dumb question … |
| Rob: |
What? |
| Sue: |
Nothin’. |
| Rob: |
Anyway … there ya go, that’s how Pen got his name. |
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Pen is short for penis. |
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Sounds stupid now I say it out loud … he probably should be called Pee. |
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|
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Stop laughing, Miss. |
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|
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Shhhhhh! Everyone’s lookin’. |
| Sue: |
What’s your nickname? |
| Rob: |
Well … |
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It was going to be ‘stud’ because of me killer blue eyes and awesome sixpack. But everyone thought I was up meself, so now it’s just Rob. |
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Rob the heart-throb. |
| Sue: |
How about Foot? |
| Rob: |
Foot’s got size seventeen feet or somethin’. |
| Sue: |
Thank God ’imself you got that right. |
| Rob: |
Yeah, eh? |
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Foot’s always had big feet. His mum has to order his shoes in. I don’t know when they’ll stop growin’, can’t be too far away surely. |
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|
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Foot’s dad is another real prick. He comes and goes whenever he needs a good feed or a sleep or a roo … I mean a fornication. |
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I reckon he gets plenty of everything wherever he is. |
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Him and Dave are mates. |
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Foot’s dad never turns up to any of our footy games. He didn’t even come to the awards night and his sons took out heaps of awards. |
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Dave went, and me and Joey got a trophy each. We were stoked. |
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But Dave wasn’t. |
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We never heard the end of it. Apparently, we should’ve done better. |
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Always gotta do better. |
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|
| Sue: |
What about Pen? |
| Rob: |
Pen doesn’t play footy. |
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|
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I don’t want to talk no more. |
| Sue: |
No worries. |
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Draw or write, whatever you want. Use the tablet. |