Dina said, without looking at me, “Was it because of me? That Laura dumped you?”

“No,” I said, instantly. It was true. Laura found out about Dina early on, in much the way you would expect. She never once said or hinted, I believe she never once thought, that Dina wasn’t my responsibility, that I should keep her crazy out of our home. When I came to bed, late on nights when Dina was finally asleep in our spare room, Laura would stroke my hair. That was all.

Dina said, “Nobody wants to deal with this shit. I don’t want to deal with this shit.”

“Maybe some women wouldn’t. They’re not women I’d marry.”

She snorted. “I said I liked Laura. I didn’t say I thought she was a saint. How stupid do you think I am? I know she didn’t want some crazy bitch showing up on her doorstep, fucking up her whole week. That one time, candles, music, wineglasses, both of your hair all messed up? She must have hated my guts.”

“She didn’t. She never has.”

“You wouldn’t tell me if she did. Why else would she have dumped you? Laura was mad about you. And it’s not like it was your fault, like you hit her or called her a slag, I know how you treated her, like some kind of princess. You’d have brought her the moon. Her or me, did she say that? I want my life back, get that loony out of here?”

She was starting to wind tight, her back pressed against the arm of the sofa. There was a flare of fear in her eyes.

I said, “Laura left me because she wants children.”

Dina stopped in mid-breath and stared, open-mouthed. “Oh, shit, Mikey. Can you not have kids?”

“I don’t know. We didn’t try.”

“Then … ?”

“I don’t want to have children. I never have.”

Dina thought about that in silence, sucking her granola bar absently. After a while she said, “Laura would probably chill out a lot if she had kids.”

“Maybe. I hope she gets the chance to find out. But it was never going to be with me. Laura knew that when she married me. I made sure she did. I never misled her.”

“Why don’t you want kids?”

“Some people don’t. It doesn’t make me a freak.”

“I didn’t call you a freak. Did I call you a freak? I just asked why.”

I said, “I don’t believe in Murder Ds having kids. They turn you soft: you can’t take the heat any more, and you end up making a bollix of the job and probably the kids too. You can’t have both. I’ll take the job.”

“Oh my God, great big bullshit. Nobody doesn’t have kids because they don’t believe in it. You always blame everything on your job, it’s so boring, you have no idea. Why don’t you want kids?”

“I don’t blame things on my job. I take it seriously. If that’s boring, I apologize.”