Anyway here’s the update, this aft went up to the attic to see if any more leaves/wood/whatever + in one corner were four animal skeletons. Not an expert here but they looked like rats or maybe squirrels. Heads were gone. Maddest thing is they were lined up really neatly, like someone had arranged them ready for me to find—know that sounds crazy but I swear that’s what it looked like. Don’t want to say anything to my wife in case she freaks out but guys this IS a predator and I NEED to find out what kind.

This time the regulars were unanimous: Pat was out of his depth here, he needed a professional and fast. People posted links to pest control services and, less helpfully, to sensationalist news stories where small children had been maimed or killed by unexpected wildlife. Pat sounded a little reluctant (I was kind of hoping to deal with this myself—don’t like getting people in to fix stuff I should be able to sort), but in the end he handed out thanks all round and headed off to ring the pros.

“Not cool as a cucumber there,” Richie said. I ignored him.

Three days later, Pat was back. OK so pest control guy came out this morn. Took 1 look at skeletons + said can’t help you out man, biggest he deals w is rats + no way is this a rat, rats don’t line up bodies like that + rats won’t take the head off a squirrel + leave the rest—he’s pretty sure all 4 skeletons are squirrels. Never seen anything like it he said. He said maybe a mink or could be some exotic pet that some idiot had to get rid of + let go into the wild. Possibly something like a bobcat or even a wolverine, he said you’d be amazed the tiny spaces these things can slip through. He said could be specialists that would deal w it but I’m not keen on spending loads of dosh to have someone else come out here + tell me not his problem either. Also at this stage starting to feel kind of like its personal—this house ain’t big enough for the two of us!! Those little faces again, rolling and laughing.

So am looking for ideas on how to trap it/flush it out/what to use for bait/how to get proof it exists for my wife. Night before last thought I had it, was giving my son a bath + the thing started going nuts right over our heads—at first just like a few scratches but gradually built up till it sounded like it was spinning round in circles trying to scratch a hole in the ceiling or something. My son heard it too, wanted to know what it was. Told him it was a mouse—never lie to him normally but he was getting scared and what was I supposed to say?? Legged it downstairs to get my wife to come hear it, by the time we got back upstairs the noise had totally stopped, not another peep out of the little bastard all night. Swear to God it was like it knew. Lads I NEED HELP here. This thing is scaring my son in his own home. My wife looked at me like I was some kind of total looper. I need to get this fucker.