‘Come on, young man, let’s put you to bed. Your mummy and I need to talk, adult chat, ok?’

Tommy looks at me and I wink surreptitiously. ‘Anything that needs to be said can be said in front of Tommy.’

‘Oh, for God’s sake, Sonya, he’s only a child.’

I don’t move, or speak, just swallow more wine. Tommy continues looking at me.

My father whispers, ‘I don’t want to upset him, Sonya. Please, put the boy into his bed and come back out and talk to me, adult to adult.’

I have to clamp one hand over the other not to throw my glass in his face.

‘The guards have been alerted, Sonya.’

A cramping in my stomach so intense that I almost double over.

‘Who by? The auld snitch who lives opposite?’

‘Sonya, please…’ He gestures at Tommy.

I can’t bear the look on my boy’s face. ‘Ok, ok, Munchkin, let’s get you into beddy-byes and I’ll have an adult chat for a few minutes, ok? Then I’ll come join you and we’ll all go to the Land of Nod together, ok?’

Tommy tucks his hand under Herbie’s collar. ‘Come on, Hewbie!’

My father looks at me in disbelief as I take Tommy by the hand, the dog following, and close the door behind us.

‘Who that man, Yaya?’

I decide now is not the time for explanations of abandoning fathers.

‘It’s ok, sweetie, he won’t be here long, I promise. Now, let’s get you into your PJs and you climb on into bed with Herbie there. We’ll brush your teeth when the man’s gone, ok?’

‘Ok.’ He climbs out of his clothes, puts his hands in the air as I slip his pyjama top on. He steps into his bottoms himself.

‘What a big boy you are, Tommy!’ I kiss his forehead.

‘Yaya?’

‘Yes, darling?’

‘Don’t let the bad fairy fly inside tonight, please, Yaya.’

‘I won’t, darling, I promise.’

‘No more bottle.’

I smile at him, reassuringly, but with the night that’s in it that is an impossible promise and I won’t lie to my boy. I’ll be careful, I’ll be moderate, I know when to stop.

‘Now, I better go out and talk to the man, and I’ll be straight back in, ok?’

‘Stwaight back, Yaya?’

‘Yes, baby, straight back. Love you more than the whole world.’

‘Love you bigger than all the planets,’ he says as he stretches his arms to their widest span. I blow him a kiss; he catches it and makes a big show of eating it.

‘Yum, yum, yum.’

‘Yumptious, scrumptious, yum, bum,’ I say, which makes him giggle. ‘I want you to think of the best bedtime story ever, ok? Tell Herbie all about the adventures you’re going to have in Nod tonight… Herbie, mind Tommy till I’m back, ok?’

‘Let’s go to the land of the sleeping giants, Hewbie, and wake them ‘cause they want to help the scared little peoples.’

‘Great one, Tommy! See you two in a flash!’ I twirl my hand like it’s holding a wand.