Even with everything happening, getting certified was still amazing. And it was something we all did together, Mom, Dad, Ruth, and I. Ruth was thirteen and we hadn’t been playing Treasure Hunt pirates as much lately, maybe because she was focused on friends, maybe because she’d recently started having more bad days, or maybe simply because she was getting older. Whatever it was, I was excited to be back in the water with her, in a sense. Plus, Ruth decided she and I were going to teach ourselves a few extra signs, not just the scuba ones, including memorizing the alphabet in sign language. She’d look up tutorials on YouTube and we’d watch them and practice together. Sometimes in our practice dives in the training pool, I’d sign H-I R-U-T-H while we were underwater, and she’d sign H-I back.

Our scuba instructor’s name was Anne Reed. If Ruth noticed the piratey name, she didn’t say anything. I didn’t say anything to her about it either, because I was trying to learn how to be watchful. I was trying to understand this trench-deep hurt my sister sometimes had and trying to learn what I could do to help. I’d learned at that point that on her bad days, my being overexuberant was not helpful.

I meandered over to Ruth’s side of the pool, but stayed far enough away that she wouldn’t think I was following her. She’d been distracted and a bit snippy that morning, but she was swimming and participating, so it wasn’t the worst kind of day. She was wearing a white-and-red wet suit. Mine was blue and brown.

The indoor training pool went down to twenty-five feet. There were steps that went down and down under the water until the last big drop-off. I hooked everything up like I’d been taught, and slipped on my mask and regulator. I waded farther in, trying not to trip over my fins. I hated using them, but I did anyway, because Ruth did.

The pool was well-lit, and there were designs carved into the walls and the floor below. One of my favorite things was to go down to the deepest end and trace the designs on the bottom. I imagined taking pictures of the designs and tried to think of what Treasure Hunt words I would use those pictures for. I couldn’t think of very many; that wasn’t my strong suit. Having Ruth give me the words always sparked some new ideas I wouldn’t have thought of otherwise.