Why can’t I live that one afternoon down?

Every time he thought it was buried, it came back like a vicious curse.

Now Zarya knew about it, too.

He winced. “I was stupid.”

“How so?”

He wanted to curse her for her insistence. But then, that was Zarya. Whenever she wanted something, she wouldn’t give up until she got it. “I’m going to kill that little bastard for telling you. Please, don’t make me relive it, okay?” Darling wasn’t sure if he could survive it again.

It hurt that much. Even all these years later.

Why the hell wouldn’t it die?

Nodding, Zarya caught him against her and held him close. “I’m sorry I asked. You don’t have to tell me. It’s fine. You’re allowed to have your secrets.”

In the moment, he’d never loved her more, and as he’d done hundreds of times in the past, he found himself telling her something he’d never told anyone else.

Even though it shredded him to do so.

“By Caronese law, once I turned sixteen, I was old enough to choose another guardian to be the Grand Counsel instead of Arturo. For several months, I debated on whether or not to leave everything alone or replace him. Finally, I decided it was time to do it.”

“Why did you wait so long?”

“By that time, Arturo had tightened the noose around me to the point I couldn’t breathe. I was seldom allowed contact with anyone from the ruling class. Not my mother, my siblings, or even Maris. And you have to have a guardian who is a natural-born Caronese aristo with the right bloodline. More than that, I needed one willing to stand up to Arturo. Most weren’t, and I knew it. He kept everyone around him so intimidated that they didn’t dare.”

Zarya listened as he stepped away and paced a small area in front of her. “So what happened with Senator Nylan?”

Darling flinched as if the name itself struck him like a blow. “He was a distant cousin on my father’s side, and I knew from past encounters with him that he thought I was… pretty.” He spat the word out. “He’d made several lewd remarks and offers to me over the years after my father’s death.”

Her heart broke at those words.

He glanced at her and she saw the torment that scarred his soul worse than her men had scarred his body. “I just wanted the pain to stop, Zarya. Just for one minute of my life. I was so tired of being beat on, locked up, and drugged. I thought it would be easier to be some man’s kept whore than another one’s punching bag. And by then, I’d learned that Arturo wasn’t just beating on me. He was raping my mother—something he’d been doing since the night he killed my father. He used me against her, the same way he used my family against me. It’s why she hates me so much. Why she hasn’t been able to look at me since I was twelve years old. Every time she hears my name, she flinches because of what he did to her. I figured that since everyone already thought I was gay, what would it matter? Anything had to be better than the hell we were in.”