Ben still refused to believe that Grandpa had run Grandma over on purpose, but he couldn’t unhear the rumours. He studied his grandfather for a hint, but Grandpa was reading his newspaper. He couldn’t be that crazy, Ben thought. Just crazy enough to take off in the golf cart, but not so crazy as to aim at Grandma. In-between crazy. Not a complete maniac. Surely. Still.

‘Dad, you can’t drive,’ Gordon said and looked at Ben as if to ask, Stopping my father from driving: what is that if not gutsy?

‘Have you forgotten how awful those trips to Chester Dam were, you silly man?’ Grandma said. To Ben, she continued: ‘The great engineering sites of New South Wales! Don’t look at me like that, Ronald; those trips brought out the worst in you.’

‘The best,’ Grandpa countered. ‘Nothing made me happier than planning and logistics.’

‘You mean your intolerance for anyone not doing things precisely as you wished! He turned those trips into a misery. Once’—she turned her face to Ben—‘he stormed out on us in the middle of the night. He drove three hours in the direction of home before he became ashamed of himself and turned around to come back and pick us up.’

‘And regret it to this day,’ Grandpa said. ‘No offence.’

‘None taken,’ Gordon murmured.

‘The coming back,’ Grandpa clarified, ‘not the storming out.’

‘Still none taken,’ Gordon replied.

‘He was hopeless, absolutely hopeless,’ Grandma went on. ‘The disappointment wasn’t his tantrums. We expected those, didn’t we, Gordon? It was that for all his engineering principles and his military control, he couldn’t even erect a tent or set a campfire! Don’t deny it! It’s true, isn’t it, Gordon? I ended up having to do it all. Absolutely hopeless!’

‘What about the rug-muncher?’ Ron said. ‘Will she take an old man for his last great adventure?’

‘You mean Lou,’ Gordon said.

‘She like camping?’

‘Ronald, please!’

‘She looks like she does. A mannish thing like that.’

Norma paused from sucking on the ice cube that Ben had brought her, spat it into her paper cup and said, ‘She’ll never find a man, the way she dresses.’

‘She doesn’t want to find a man,’ Ron snapped.

‘Of course, that’s what I meant,’ Norma said, the pair of them finding common ground. ‘Can’t you do something for her?’ she asked Gordon.

‘I think she’s getting by quite fine without my advice.’

‘I don’t care if she’s pink, purple or albino,’ Ron said. ‘I want to know if she’ll come to Chester Dam.’

‘Okay,’ Gordon said. ‘It might be time for us to leave.’

‘I need to use the facilities.’ Ron wobbled to his feet. ‘My final camping trip and no-one will come with me. This might be the last chance. You never know with kidney failure.’