‘Because the night of the fiftieth, he found two charge cards in the bedroom where Dog and I had been. One was a Fast Ferry pass, the other was an Eastons store card. Dog had been using them to chop lines on the bedside table. When old Tony caught us, Dog left his cards behind. Later that night, Gordon trousered them. Dog knows he has them, and Gordon knows that Dog knows, but these guys being as emotionally retarded as they are, Dog won’t ask for them. To ask for them would risk having the conversation they can’t face. And Gordon won’t hand them back. And so whenever Gordon feels like he needs to get a bit off his chest, he rides the Fast Ferry to Eastons and buys something outrageous. It’s the most he can bring himself to do.’

‘You make him sound insane,’ Lou said.

‘They think they’re saving the world. What can be more insane than that?’

‘Gordon is their hero. They so desperately want him to win.’

‘Gordon.’ Kelly swallowed, contemplating whether to stop talking now. ‘He can’t win.’

‘Why not?’

Kelly stared for a long time at the sandstone cliff face on the far side of Bluebird Bay, above the ocean baths. Last year, some kids had graffitied a chubby blue tag to the very rock where it happened. After forty-two years, just a coincidence. Maybe it was more surprising that nobody had graffitied it until now. She squinted to try to read the stylised lettering.

‘He’s never been the same, really, since what happened to his brother.’

‘Gordon has a brother?’

‘Had. A long time ago. They were kids. The brother died over there, where that graffiti’s on that rock. The more time goes by, the more I think it kind of got Gordon stuck. Stuck here. Stuck back then.’

‘How?’ Lou asked.

‘How what?’

‘Did the brother die.’

‘They were kids. Gordon was eight, the other two were twelve.’

‘Two?’

‘Sam. He and Owen were best friends, Gordon used to run along after them. They were playing—up there—see the graffiti on that rock? Owen went off.’

‘Went off?’

‘Slipped. An accident.’

Lou’s face shut down. She sighed and looked out over the beach, showing no interest in continuing the conversation. Kelly felt physically dirty, as if she had been caught betraying Gordon once again. Was Lou judging her? Maybe not. Maybe talking about family deaths hit Lou’s off switch. Too much for her. Too much, Kelly thought, for all of us. She inhaled into her sacrum. She wondered if she would keep betraying him, again and again, until he woke the fuck up.

‘At least that was the official version,’ Kelly said. ‘There was another …’

‘Why?’ Lou was glaring at her.

‘Why what?’

‘Why are you telling me this?’