‘I wasn’t expecting you this time,’ Vasteva said. ‘When I got your call…’

‘I changed my mind.’ He pulled his wet coat off, and sat down heavily next to her. ‘It’s getting a little rough. I still need this. Just to keep myself on an even track.’

‘Are you sickening?’

Zidarov shrugged. ‘Nothing Lija couldn’t fix, if she was in the mood.’

‘You haven’t told her, then. About this.’

‘It’s not easy.’ He leaned forward, rubbing his face for a moment, massaging the stiff flesh. ‘I mean, she’s not religious. Not really. But it’s still heresy, isn’t it?’

‘She’s your wife.’

‘I know. I know. It’s not that I think she’d tell a priest. I’m sure she wouldn’t. It’s just… It’s been a long time. Could she forgive it? Not the lying – I haven’t lied, really – just… not telling her. She doesn’t know anything.’ He smiled dryly. ‘She thinks it’s a woman.’

Vasteva smiled back. ‘Sorry, Zido. You’re not my type.’

‘That’s fine. I’m not my type either.’

‘You’re a good man.’

‘Yeah. A fine, good man.’

Vasteva reached out, placed her hand on top of his clenched fingers. ‘Listen. Remember what I told you? Right at the start? It’s not heresy. It’s still the Emperor, just in the way He was seen, on Alecto, before the ships came. The serpent-form. There’s nothing false in it. The only people who wish us harm, who wouldn’t see that, are the Ministorum. And that’s got nothing to do with heresy, just control.’

‘I know.’

‘It’s just another form of worship. Another language of devotion. In a sane world, we’d be free to do it.’

Zidarov stared at the floor. ‘You know the crazy thing? My daughter thinks I don’t believe in anything. She thinks my soul’s destined for the void. Hells, even Draj does. You know Draj, at the Bastion? He gave me a sermon. I thought the only thing he worshipped was rezi. And I want to scream at them, sometimes. I see the crowds in the cathedrals, and see them go through the motions, and make the aquila to one another, and it means nothing, because they know they’ll be sent to a re-education camp if they’re not there, and that’s the only reason they do it. Or they’re scared, because they believe the prop-vids telling them xenos are coming for their children, and want something to cling to. What’s that worth, then? Just fear.’

‘But we don’t fear. We live in Him.’

‘I fear being discovered. It keeps me awake. Throne, I’m a probator.’

‘So am I.’

‘I don’t know how long I can keep it up.’

‘You have to tell her, then. Stop living the lie. She’ll understand. She might even want to join us.’