But there was more.

Frank and I had come close to having several arguments over his refusal to invite any of his family to the wedding. His only guests would be two professors and their wives and nine students.

“I don’t see why you can’t invite a few of your brothers and sisters.”

“I know you don’t see why,” he said. “But take my word for it, it’s better this way.”

“Imagine how strange it’s going to look in the church with your side almost empty.”

“I know how it’s going to look, honey, and I’m sorry. But I’ll be more comfortable this way.”

“Do you really hate them that much?”

The blood rushed to his face. “I just don’t have anything in common with them.”

“What does that matter for one afternoon?”

“It matters a great deal. To me.”

“I can’t understand this hostility of yours.”

“Irene, considering the family you come from, I know it’s hard for you to understand. It would kill something in you to give your family up. But it’ll kill something in me if I don’t give mine up. Starting now.”

“But why? Why does it have to be so absolute?”

“All right,” he said stiffly, “I’ll tell you. My sister Doris ran off with a married man fourteen years ago. When I left to go to college, his wife and kids were still waiting to hear from him. My brother Tom was a traveling salesman until he lost his license because of so many drunk-driving charges. Now he’s a night custodian so he can drink on the job and get away from his wife. Jack’s decided to follow in my father’s footsteps. He drives a delivery truck and his wife has a baby almost every year. Terry’s serving a prison term in Pennsylvania for manslaughter. He had a fight with his girlfriend one night and ran down a man at a crosswalk. Marian and her husband left town right after they were married and haven’t been heard from since. Bill and Mike are as close as brothers can be—they both share Mike’s wife.” He was breathing like an exhausted runner. “They’re not going to touch me. They’re not going to touch us. Irene, what you come from and what I come from are worlds apart. The only way for it to work is to make one world between us. We keep your family and we drop mine.”

More than his words, it was the look of repugnance and fear on his face that convinced me not to press any further. It was his family and up to him to deal with them as he saw fit. Wanda Hoople had escaped from her family and had forgone a high school diploma to do it. Frank certainly had the same right to escape at the age of twenty-six.

The evening before the wedding, we had our rehearsal, followed by a dinner for the wedding party. My spirits were dampened by my father’s and Gloria’s reserve; they went through the rehearsal matter-of-factly, totally bland-faced. Whatever bolstering I got came from my mother’s smiling enthusiasm and Frank’s caressing eyes.