He went on stroking my back and my hair. Finally, my arms went around him.

“Maybe I’m the freak,” I said. “I don’t want to be selfish, Frank. Help me not to be.”

He picked me up and held me so I was looking down into his face. He smiled, but his cheeks were still wet. “You give me more than you know.”

“Including a little grief now and then.”

“Yes, indeed, but I’ll take it.” His smile widened. “You really were jealous for a few minutes there?”

“Frank, I don’t want to—”

“Come on, were you?”

“Well, what did it look like?”

He was beaming. “No one was ever jealous over me in my life. It’s a nice feeling.”

“Don’t plan on any repetitions, mister.”

“And no more running out?”

“No more running out.”

The next day, I dropped the philodendron in the trash and bought another one. Its longevity has been remarkable. For years it flourished on the window sill in the bedroom of our house. In fact, it was the last thing I looked at in that room the night I picked up the gun and slipped it into my purse.

Fearing that time and opportunity would allow me to retreat into my emotional armor, I made it a point to visit Gloria while my mood would make it easier for me to apologize. Her disapproval of Frank did not have to become an insurmountable problem; the simple solution was to keep them apart and to see her alone.

“Irene, you don’t have to apologize.” She was embarrassed.

“I’m not excusing what you did. But there’s no excuse for what I did, either. You’ve been good to me; you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. What I did was mean and—well, shabby.”

This made her squirm. “Did Frank suggest this apology?”

“I may love him, but I still have a mind of my own.”

“I hope so. It’s too good a mind to give up. To anyone.”

Fall term began, and I carried a full load of classes. For the first time, Gloria did not choose any of the ones I took. We established a routine of having dinner together one night a week, followed by a movie or a concert on campus. Too often, I caught her looking at me with that sidelong glance of hers, but I refused to confront it. I was determined to keep the friendship running smoothly, even if that meant sacrificing it to superficiality. After my argument with Frank over the plant, I was on my guard against being glib and overcritical. On a few occasions, Gloria and I went out for a drink, but I no longer scanned the bar in search of material for snide remarks. She viewed me then the way I imagine historians view great civilizations in decline. But it was pointless for me to explain my new contentment. I would just have to wait until she herself found someone who would make the same difference in her life as Frank did in mine.