Tommy waved her out of the room.

"Oh shit!" Chubby collapsed against the bench, eyes wildly searching the ceiling.

"Tommy, I feel so lost, what am I gonna do? What the fuck am I gonna do?" He blinked back tears, shaking his head from side to side.

Tommy squeezed Chubby's knee, patted his leg.

"I'm so lonely sometimes, Tom..." he gasped and his face wrinkled in an effort not to cry. "I feel so god... damn lonely sometimes. I sit, an' eat, and I watch TV. I wake up sometimes an'..." Chubby doubled over in slow motion as if he had just been kicked in the gut. Tommy put both arms around his brother, leaning his cheek on Chubby's shoulder. Chubby rocked back and forth. Tommy's tears ran down his nose. Chubby rocked them both. Tommy squeezed Chubby until his arms trembled. The nurse peered through the window confused, not sure she should be looking.

"I feel so old, Tom," Chubby whispered hoarsely. "I'm gonna die soon, I can smell it. I'm too fat. I ain't gonna last. I got a wheeze what makes me feel like I live in a box.... I was thinkin' a Pop the other day."

Tommy wiped the tears from his nose and held on tight.

"You remember that night? He just sat up an' said, I ain't sorry for nothin'!' That was it. I didn't cry 'cause I thought he woulda gotten up again just to punch me out." They almost laughed, rocking. "It's so scary, babe, it's so hard to get outta bed some days. I'm gonna be fifty come April." Chubby coughed and blubbered. Wrenching free from Tommy he stood up and shouted, "I was just eighteen!" He punched the wall. "What the fuck is goin' on!" Tommy grabbed him. Chubby didn't resist. He just looked into his brother's face. "I read this Reader's Digest once, you know, in a couple a years I'm gonna start gettin' pee dribble in my drawers in the mornin'." He tried to laugh. Tommy broke the seal on the Scotch. He handed the bottle to Chubby.

"Here, you can get a head start now."

Chubby snorted and took a long swig. Tommy took a longer one. Chubby laughed, took another. Tommy took another. Tommy laughed. Chubby took a long belt and gargled, half of it running down his lime green shirt. Tommy licked the Scotch from Chubby's chest, laughing.

The nurse, totally confused, was afraid now to walk in. Tommy and Chubby noticed her face in the window. They looked at each other and roared. Simultaneously they ran to the door, whooping and hollering, and chased her down the corridor.

***

Chubby and Tommy faced each other in the warm night air in front of the hospital.

"C'mon, babe, I'll drive you home." Tommy started walking toward his car. Chubby held back.

"C'mon."

"Nah, you go ahead, Tom, I wanna walk a while. I'll be home later."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I jus' wanna do some thinking, you know." Chubby was pulling back again. Tommy was worried. "You O.K.?"