“No, so that no one suspects what we were doing.”

“Ziva, everyone is going to take one look at you and know exactly what you were doing.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Your cheeks are stained red, your lips are swollen, and your clothes are rumpled.”

That has me backing away from the door. “I can’t go in there like this!”

“Do you want me to tell everyone you’re ill?”

“Yes, that’s a great idea.”

He looks up at the sky, and I realize he wasn’t serious. “I promise it won’t be that bad. Now come here.”

He tugs me through the door after him. Everyone is readying the dinner table. The house is warm and loud and full of movement. No one takes notice of us. Until his mother looks up and sees my hand in his. She smiles.

“Well, are you going to stand there or help?” she asks.

And that’s that. We separate. I put my focus on hefting food to the table, but everywhere I go, I’m aware of exactly where Kellyn is in the room. Like there’s a string connecting us, and every time he moves, I feel the tug.

He sits beside me instead of near his parents tonight. I think maybe everything will be fine.

Until Temra sees me.

She opens her mouth, closes it. Notes how close Kellyn is sitting next to me. But she doesn’t say a word as she sits on my other side.

It isn’t until Kellyn’s father has offered thanks to the Sisters for the meal and everyone noisily digs into their food that she leans forward and says, “Well done.”

That night, it truly is impossible to sleep. I’m replaying every moment of the evening in my head, memorizing every movement and every feeling. My mind is so busy that it won’t calm. And even when the dawn comes, I’m still staring at the canopy.

When the boys disappear for chores, Temra corners me before I can do the same. “I want to hear every single detail.”

So I relive it again, answering every question she asks. It feels nice to share this good thing with her. I don’t even seem to feel that tired, despite not having slept.

It’s strange to have a mind thinking on good things for a change. Right now, I’m not scared of anything. Not what anyone will think of me, or if I should be embarrassed by anything I’ve done. Is this how everyone else feels? Those who don’t have my attacks because they can’t stop worrying?

Everything is happy and wonderful until I see him again.

I spent the day in the forge, constructing more of the mold, while Kellyn worked the fields. I haven’t seen him in hours, and I beat him home for dinner. But the moment he steps into the house, I know it. I can’t meet his eyes. It’s embarrassing. Because I know what he’s thinking and he knows what I’m thinking. And Temra does, too, but she’s too kind to say anything about it.