I am trying to picture you. Are you a man or a woman? Are you young or old? Are you attractive? Do you have facial hair? Do you have blue eyes or brown? Do you have a scar? Do you have responsibilities? Do you hate me or like me? Have you no opinion on the matter? Are you in bed now? Warm? On a chair? Cold? Ill? Are you on a train? A plane? Inside? Outside? Is your life a good thing or a bad thing? Are there times when you’ve been ashamed of yourself? Times when you wished there was someone watching? Do you have difficulty sleeping? Do you breathe easily? Are you loved? Do you have valuable possessions? Are your ears pierced? Do you wear makeup? Do you like popular music? Do you recognize birdsong? Can you hear traffic? Do your clothes fit well? Are you getting fat? Have you ever thought of taking up squash? Or table tennis? Is your job fulfilling? Do you have a job? Do you frame photographs? Have you ever been under general anesthetic? When did you last faint? Have you ever puked in public? Do you feel your own pulse now and then? Are your teeth straight? Do you check the color of your piss? Are your parents alive? Would you recognize your own belly button?

63

. . . It has been six hours . . .

62

. . . my watch still works and my ears have been popping . . .

61

. . . popping or bursting. I would guess that we have been losing height.

60

. . .

59

. . . Do you know what I should have done? I should have tied myself on. With rope. Or duck tape.

58

. . .

57

. . . My fingers have no strength. I can’t make a fist.

56

. . . There’s a tear on my cheek. I could lick it. See if it’s solid, but my teeth are glued together and my tongue is swollen. I think there is liquid on my neck. I can shout now. I’m doing it. Mm-mm-mm-mm! I can’t hear this. Not even in my own head. Not even a buzzing.

55

. . . Mm-mm-mmmm!

54

. . . And now there’s movement. Suction and whirlwinds. Wrenching and trembling. What a bird. Pistons and shudders and contractions and openings. Perhaps we’re hatching an egg.

Lights. Lights below. And tiny things. A wood. A road. A pattern.

53

. . . I’m the egg and out I tumble.

52

. . . over and over.

51

. . . Be elegant. Be a diver . . .

50

. . . A double pike and a triple salchow and a flapping in the wind . . .

49

. . . and no parachute.

48

. . . But time enough to think of landing.

47

. . . Let me land on a haystack.

46

On a bush.

45

In a field.

44

Something soft.

43

. . . Where is he? Michael Davies. Always waiting. Standing with his arms outstretched ready to catch me.

42

Here I come.

41

Can’t see him.

40

Break the fall, Michael. Bend your knees.

39

. . . What shall I say now? What have others said?

38

Kirsten: I’ve changed my mind.

37

Ronald: Don’t think I don’t know who you are!

36

Tamy: Don’t tell him that!

35