After some consideration she decided to talk about him, even though it hurt. She had to try and normalise the memories of her former life, her life experience, even if it brought up old emotions that she had done her best to numb. And the moment felt right. The hubbub was some way off and they were alone on the bench.

Jeanette remembered how close they had been to the most forbidden topic when the police had come and hammered on the door. She didn’t intend to go that far again—it must have been a higher power that had saved her that time. But there were other things she could talk about.

“We met at the Lucia celebrations at work,” she began. “It was early in the morning before the store opened. The kids from the local primary school came and sang to us. We were sitting on temporary benches in the shop and watching. I got teary-eyed—I always do during any festivities where there’s singing that you associate with your childhood. And Charlotte’s. I suppose it was thoughts about Charlotte that made the tears start flowing.”

Nanna didn’t say anything, instead taking her hand and squeezing it.

“He was next to me on the bench,” Jeanette continued. “He didn’t work for us but in a workshop next door—but he and his colleagues were also invited. He did exactly what you’re doing now—held my hand. I’m sure plenty of people were dewy-eyed, but he must have noticed that it was more than that for me. We didn’t really know each other—at most we might have greeted each other a few times and exchanged a few words. But it felt good somehow—natural. A stranger just being there and catching you when you fell. When the kids started to file out, he let go. And when the lights came on we nodded at each other and said hi. Then went our separate ways.”

Jeanette paused and pulled two beers out of her backpack. She handed one to Nanna and opened the other for herself. Nanna offered her a cigarette by way of thanks.

“And then?”

“Two days passed. I hadn’t been able to get him out of my head—I thought about him when I went to sleep, when I woke up, when I was at work, when I was eating dinner with my husband. The gesture affected me deeply—I wanted to hold that hand again. Then we bumped into each other in the car park. He brightened up when he spotted me and asked whether he could give me a lift anywhere. And I said yes even though I had my own car and had been planning to go straight home. Then we drove off together. We talked—about everything in heaven and earth. Apart from my reaction during the Lucia celebrations. Or his. He was tactful.”

Both women drank and smoked for a while in silence. The usual hubbub continued around them, Lubbi’s laugh drowning out everyone else’s. The sun shone in a clear blue sky, the breeze was strong but warm and the many flags on the city wall fluttered in the west wind. People were dressed for the warmth and feeling hopeful—a long and wonderful summer lay ahead of them.