2018

24

Sandra

“IF ANYTHING YOU SAY makes me suspect that you or someone else has committed or is planning to commit a serious crime, I will contact the police.” The phrase echoed in her head and had more meaning for her than ever before. Suddenly, she was in possession of information that might put her rapist behind bars. A man she had hated for more than four years.

Granted, he had given her the most beautiful gift: Erik, who in many respects reminded her, in a positive way, of his unmentionable father. But that was unintentional, and the man had also caused her physical pain, grief, insomnia, anxiety, and a vigilance she was not comfortable with.

She had confirmed the fact that it was Hallin through a quick search online. And Hallin wasn’t just a rapist, he was also a drunk driver and a hit-and-run driver. Guilty of manslaughter. Of course he had to be punished in some way—the question was how.

If Sandra went to the police now, her credibility wouldn’t have improved over the years. Paternity could be easily determined but proving that a rape had occurred four years earlier was practically impossible. It would be his word against hers and that would be the end of it—with the outcome that Erik would be labelled in the eyes of the world as the result of rape, while the perpetrator would be able to thoughtlessly dismiss it all without any legal or social consequences.

On the other hand, if evidence was presented that he had been at the scene of the accident—suggesting he was involved but that he had failed to contact emergency services—the case would take on a different light. Sandra’s account of the rape and drinking just minutes earlier and a few hundred meters away would be taken more seriously.

The catch was that Kerstin refused to involve the police, and that Sandra had promised her silence. While this had been with certain reservations, her loyalty lay primarily with Kerstin, and when it came to the punch Kerstin was the victim here.

One of them. This required consideration.

“SORRY ABOUT THE abrupt end to our call last time,” Sandra apologised when Kerstin called the next time. “I didn’t feel well.”

It was true, but her conscience was not altogether clear, since Kerstin was unaware that as of now Sandra was just as interested—or perhaps more so—in Kerstin’s case for her own sake. On the other hand, Sandra didn’t have to share anything about herself—that wasn’t how it worked. Their nightly relationship had grown stronger, their conversations had moved from uncertainty and fumbling about to being frank. And with great engagement she had pushed Kerstin in the right direction, helped her to at least dare to talk about her concerns, which had been the whole idea in the first place.

“Don’t worry,” said Kerstin.

She really ought to have been wondering how Sandra knew that Hallin hadn’t had any passengers.

“Can we pick up where we left off?” Sandra said to her.