If it hadn’t been for Claire somehow—using the strength of desperation, I guessed—pulling me off just long enough for some sanity to return, I’d have killed the woman I loved.

The woman standing in front of me right now, waiting for my answer.

“I can’t do this,” I said. The words felt dull gray in my mouth, like a mouthful of lead, and they landed just as heavily on her. I wasn’t watching her face—I couldn’t—but I had a vivid mental picture of the suffering in her eyes. And the anger. “Let it alone, Eve.”

“You mean, let you alone,” she said, and crouched down, perfectly balanced on those ridiculous prim retro heels, to stare me in the face. Her eyes were big and dark and, yes, they were haunted and full of pain, pain I had caused, was causing her now. “Michael, it wasn’t your fault, but you hurt me, and we have to talk about this before it gets … inside us. You know what I mean, don’t you?”

I did. And it was already inside us. Inside me, anyway, eating away like acid, burning and sizzling and toxic. “Talk about it,” I repeated. “You want to talk about it.”

She nodded.

“You want to talk about how I grabbed you and threw you down and took something very personal from you while you screamed and tried to fight me off,” I said. “How someone else had to stop me, because I was acting like an animal.”

She wasn’t a fool, my Eve; she knew what I was saying, and she paled almost to the same color she would have had in her Goth makeup. “Michael, you didn’t rape me.”

“That’s exactly what I did,” I said. “You know what Shane calls it? Fang rape.”

“Shane’s got no idea what he’s talking about.” The words lacked some force, though, and Eve sounded more than a little shaken. “You just—you weren’t in control, Michael.”

“So that’s a valid excuse now for me, when it isn’t for any other guy out there who hurts someone?” I wanted to touch her, but I honestly didn’t dare. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out, and finally she just closed it. Her eyes filmed over with tears, but she blinked them away. “It’s not an excuse and you know it. It can’t be, if we’re supposed to be together.”

“You were hurt. You weren’t in your right mind. That matters, Michael.”

I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder—vampire speed, not trying to slow it down. We both felt the wrench as she tried to pull away, before she got control of her instinctive reaction.

It proved my point, and she knew it.

“Eve, you flinch when I touch you,” I said. “You pull back. You remember what it was like to have me hurting you, holding you down, not knowing if I was ever going to stop or if I was going to kill you when I was done. Of course it matters. It matters to us both.”