‘But you can’t just say that,’ I retorted. ‘She’s old and sick. People do die. Daddy’s patients are always dying.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, shrugging awkwardly. ‘It was a stupid thing to say. I just wanted to make you feel better, that’s all.’

I looked up at him. His face was rather blurred even at this distance. ‘I must look such a fright.’

‘No. You look lovely.’ He spoke so kindly that I nearly started crying again, but he was embarrassed and covered it with a joke. ‘My, my, grandmother, what big eyes you’ve got!’

We laughed together. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t have a hanky to offer,’ he apologized. I pulled out my own and he wiped my face softly with it, then leaned forward, coming suddenly into focus, and kissed my damp cheek. It didn’t startle me as much as it did him, and he leapt away from me almost as if he’d been electrocuted.

Then he went all brisk and said, ‘I’d better be off now. Prep for tomorrow. Do cheer up, won’t you?’

Confused, but warmed, I watched him go.

Chapter 7

‘What’s going on with you and Angus?’ Olivia demanded. Her voice was tight and angry. ‘You’re all sort of stiff with each other. And he keeps eyeing you up all the time.’

I tried to look surprised. ‘Nothing – really.’ Even now the new emotions between Angus and me were too fresh and untried to talk about, to Olivia or anyone. And I didn’t like her phrase ‘eyeing you up’. It sounded dirty.

‘Katie,’ Olivia wheedled, putting on her very best appealing face. ‘We never keep secrets from each other, do we?’

I shook my head, though I knew this was far from the truth nowadays: I couldn’t talk about Angus; even less could Olivia bring any words to the surface about her mother, and I no longer dared ask. When Elizabeth had returned home she had been frighteningly thin, her face drained white with bruise-coloured dents under her eyes. Even her hair had a deadened look, its sheen quite gone. Very slowly over the months her colour had begun to return. Smiles appeared dutifully at her lips. She was forever resting. I visited. I tried to be concerned and helpful. But not once did we talk of what had happened. And I knew instinctively that I must never mention Elizabeth’s visit to our house last summer. I was afraid. I could feel changes nudging at us. Although mostly we tried to put aside any difficulties and were as affectionate with each other as ever, there were times when these things which I knew, or half knew, became a burden, and an obstacle between us.

As soon as she noticed the changes between Angus and me it got much worse. It’s hard for me to express my feelings for Angus, how they gradually grew and intensified. I’d known him for so long and our lives had been very much a part of each other’s. Our more adult feelings grew directly out of that. But of course it meant letting go a part of our childhood which had always included Livy and William. And I assumed Olivia was jealous, simply that.