“I heard,” she said, smiling, and then, as if she realized how insignificant all that was now, her smile flew off her face like a frightened hummingbird. “How much longer you will do that depends on how your body reacts. Some women are lucky; some suffer most of the symptoms early.”

“I have often overheard my mother tell her friends how difficult it was for her to have me.”

“That doesn’t necessarily mean it will be the same for you.”

“What else happens? I mean, right now.”

“You might soon find yourself going to the bathroom more often, urinating.”

I nodded.

“That’s begun?”

“Yes.”

“You’ll gain weight, of course. Some women don’t show for quite a while, even into the seventh month. From what you have told me, you’re most surely into your second month.”

Visions of pregnant women marched by, with me making up the end of the parade, my beautiful figure almost beyond memory. I never imagined myself envying any pregnant women, even though most I had met were happy to be with child. Years and years of overhearing how miserable my mother was should have made me more careful. I was thinking that when I married, I would never get pregnant, even if my husband thought it was the most important thing in the world. I’d do everything possible to prevent it until he finally gave up.

And then I thought, what kind of a marriage would that be without a family? It all twirled in my head. I was still in that state of confusion I expected every young woman experiences as she moves from childhood fantasies to adult reality. But then again, I always wanted the pleasure and satisfaction without having to suffer any effort or pain to get it. Right now, though, it was still difficult for me to believe this was actually happening to me. Perhaps my mother was the same way at my age and that was how I came about. Maybe we were more alike than I or even she cared to admit. But what good would that do me now, even if she confessed it? She loved saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”

“You can tell your mother I’ll be available to help you in any way she or you wish,” Grace Rose said, sitting forward to take my hand. “But as I said, your first responsibility now is to talk to your parents. You must make decisions as a family. Of course, I will keep your confidence.” She sat back again.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“Unfortunately, you won’t be the first to whom I made such a promise.”

That didn’t make me feel any better. I rose, started to turn, and stopped.

“I heard that sometimes babies just fall out way too soon and no one even knows the woman was pregnant. Can that happen to me?”