‘But we don’t eat yet,’ Dad said, shocked, as I put some veg on the chopping board.

‘No, I was just getting it ready. What time do you eat?’

‘Ooh, about two?’ he said, passing Mum a drink clinking with ice and lemon.

I glanced at the clock. ‘So … that’s a two-hour cocktail hour.’

‘Got to have a little fun,’ said my mother petulantly and I saw Dad’s eyes gleam dangerously as he poured himself a particularly large vodka and tonic.

‘I get that,’ I said evenly, trying not to think of Dr Gupta, ‘but maybe we’ll eat at one thirty, otherwise I’ll be starving. Anyway, I thought you said the De Courcys were coming? You surely weren’t giving them marmalade cupcakes, were you?’

‘No, no, they like the frozen burgers. But Nancy rang to say Archie’s had an unfortunate fall. After lunch in St James’s he went off to buy himself a hat in Lock’s. Missed his footing on the way out. Just needed a couple of stitches.’

‘Right,’ I said faintly. ‘And the Pattersons?’

‘Reggie’s brother-in-law died last night. He couldn’t bear him. In fact, he advised him to fuck off over the parsnips last Easter, but he feels he should go and see Kitty, his sister. The one who farts as she walks, you remember. Outside church.’

‘I do.’

‘And then we have a little zizz,’ said my mother firmly.

‘Sorry?’

‘After lunch. We like a little zizz.’

‘But we don’t like to sleep past five o’clock. We set our alarms.’

I nodded. No indeed. Because precisely one hour after that it would be cocktail hour again, and one wouldn’t want to miss a minute.

After we’d all had home-made burgers and salad, which they pretended not to enjoy but I could tell they did, and whilst they were napping, I set about making a chicken pie for supper. Mum was worryingly thin: in fact I’d been shocked to see her arms when she’d taken her cardigan off, but if she subsisted on a diet of chocolate cake and gin, it wasn’t hard to see why. I made three pies, small ones, and froze two, along with the burgers, all individually wrapped. When I’d finished, feeling soothed – cooking does that for me – I had a good look round the house.