Helena made a how-many-times-have-I-told her face to my friend as we sank into our gin and tonics at our corner table. We were all dressed in black, but no one felt under any compunction not to speak ill of the dead – that would feel like blatant hypocrisy. A monumental sham. Although we would, of course, change our tune when the children approached, which they were doing now. The door to the pub garden had flown open, and on a blast of fresh air, Helena’s daughters tumbled through in their school uniforms, followed by my own, more elegant, daughter in black silk. We sat up straight and adjusted our faces into bright smiles.

‘Isn’t she gorgeous?’ breathed Tess as Imo peeled off to the Ladies. She hastened to perch on the arm of my chair, glancing back at my daughter over her shoulder. Maudie, her identical twin, settled on my other chair arm, auburn curls windswept, eyes shining.

‘We’ve had a whole twenty minutes with her outside,’ Maudie told us confidentially. ‘Look at her dress when she comes out – even at a funeral she’s glam.’

‘Marc Jacobs,’ Tess informed her and I realized they both smelled of cigarettes and Polos. ‘And the shoes are Jimmy Choo. She bought them in Paris with Ben, before she dumped him.’

‘Oh – you two! There you are!’ Ant appeared through the same garden door, looking pink and flustered. ‘You were supposed to be going to the car. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.’

‘Darlings, do go with Daddy,’ urged their mother. ‘I thought you’d gone ages ago. Ant, what are you doing? They should be back by now.’

‘Gave me the slip!’ he said, exasperated.

‘Don’t you think our parents are misguided, Lucy?’ asked Maudie quietly, picking up her mother’s drink and taking a sip. ‘There’s more education in a day like this than any old maths lesson. It’s surely a lesson in life. Why can’t they see that?’

‘Did you know that in Catholic countries the dead are laid out for days before the funeral?’ Tess informed us. ‘Annabel Rossi’s grandmother was on the kitchen table for five days. She told us in hockey.’

‘How unhygienic,’ observed her father. ‘Come on, in the car.’

‘In a coffin, obviously,’ Maudie said, giving him a withering look.

‘Go on, you two,’ Helena said absently. ‘If you go now you’ll still be back in time for afternoon lessons.’

‘Double physics for me,’ Tess complained bitterly, ignoring her mother and helping herself to some peanuts. ‘Only very pushy parents would make their children go back for that. By the way, I hope you don’t mind, Lucy, but I’ve told Ned there’s never been a better time to pull in a dog collar. Fleabag, obviously.’

‘Don’t mind at all,’ I smiled.