In the study I carefully cleared a space, transporting his messy piles to the floor, replicating their exact positions. Then I sat down at his desk in the window. It overlooked the paddock where Helena and I used to keep our ponies, and where the local farmer now grazed a few sheep. It was a lovely, familiar view and swept up to the hill beyond, where we used to ride. I drank it in for a moment, realizing I hadn’t seen it up to now, this being the only window in the house that afforded it. Maybe I’d see it every day, now. I reached into my Ryman’s bag and drew out six spiral bound, A4 notebooks. Three were pink, and three were green. Then I took out two packets of black, thin-tipped pens and, removing one, wrote number one on a pink notebook and circled it. I turned over the first page and at the top of the right-hand page wrote – Chapter One – and underlined it. I already felt a lot better than I had done twenty-four hours ago, but just that simple act was deeply calming. I stared out at the sheep in the meadow. They were last year’s lambs, so ewes only now, all the boys having gone to market. The girls didn’t look too fussed about that. After about twenty minutes – I know, not long, although no doubt subliminally it had been months, with all sorts of ideas kaleidoscoping around my head like so many bees – I set off.

Susie was at home, a scenario I liked a lot these days, her domestic life becoming as important as her professional one: gradually the balance had shifted. She was sorting through the post, which was all for her since she lived alone, her husband having left her, when a particular envelope caught her eye. It was brown and handwritten in a shaky, familiar hand. She stared at it for a long moment and then quickly opened it. It was from her adoptive mother who she hadn’t seen for years, her biological mother having taken her place after revealing secrets about the adoptive one which were too hard for Susie to take.

Dear Susie,

I know it’s been six years since you asked me not to contact you, but something has come to light which I hope will convince you to change your mind.