“No. But I told David, but then it was you, not me, he fell in love with. And he wanted to tell you. The way you want to tell people things when you love them, when you don’t want anything between you. I have resented you at times. Things came easy to you, Andy. People always liked you. Didn’t matter how rude or appalling you were. I was never sure if Em and Marcus would have been my friends without you, so I was waiting, waiting for my own someone. For life to begin, for love, for the great reveal, the grand reversal. But it happened to you instead and it was my turn.”

“When you saw him? Did you still love him?”

“No. You make people into what you want them to be when you’re that age. He was just a charming boy who wanted to be liked. Besides, Andy, once you’ve had the real thing, nothing else is ever going to do.”

“The real thing?”

“Love. Sex. David wasn’t disgusted by the fact I fancied him. That was the benchmark back then. I got called a queer from the age of seven. I used to get changed for PE in the corner facing the wall, because if I so much as accidentally looked at someone I’d be in for it. So a bit of kindness from David, a bit of flirtation, I mistook it for the real thing. Only it wasn’t. I found that with Karsten. Later, Patrick and I had it for a while too.”

“And burning down the phone box?”

“I knew you were there. Waiting. I called it and you were there so quickly, your voice so hopeful, and I knew if I didn’t do something, I was going to tell you. I wanted to tell you so badly. Not just about David, but about Joe too.”

We stayed there till dawn. As it broke, the colors in the stained glass windows emerged like jewels from the darkness. There, in the east window, was the blue-robed bowing figure who I had once chosen as my secret, special friend.

Peter told me more about the leaks.

“Why? It’s not like you suddenly woke up one day and realized what your job was.”

“Do you remember my angel?”

“The one with the book?”

“Yes. For years, I used to talk to him. I don’t know, till about ten, maybe? It was a secret game. I’d talk to my angel, telling him about the things I’d done, good things, bad things.