“Do this.” I looked over at him. “I can’t stay with you now. It’s not fair for you to even ask.”

“You’re right. It’s not. But I don’t give a fuck. I can’t lose you again.”

“Thomas didn’t want you to tell me, but you did anyway. Why?”

“I was going to tell you. I had to before we—”

“You didn’t use anything?”

“I can’t remember,” he said, ashamed.

I made a disgusted face and then wiped away a tear that had escaped down my cheek.

“You promised you’d stay,” he said.

“You promised you wouldn’t.”

“I’m an idiot. That was a stupid thing to do. I admit it. But I didn’t go to San Diego to cheat on you. Despite being a complete asshole and trying to distract myself with the first chick who showed me attention, I do love you.”

“We were both stupid.”

“You were trying to do the right thing. I didn’t understand at first, but you were right. It would have been hard for me to make a decision to essentially break up with you if I decided I wanted kids.”

I stood up, and he startled.

“What are you doing?” he said, panic in his voice.

“Getting dressed. I think it’s safe to say the moment has passed.”

I left him for the bathroom, dragging the comforter along with me. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, thankful he hadn’t let me go down on him. He would have to get tested for STDs. Just when I’d thought the hard part was behind us, everything had become more complicated.

I dried my face with a towel, and then the tears came. As I cried silently into the lush cloth, everything he’d said and done since I arrived along with the drunk text all made sense. He’d practically admitted it to me then. He had made a huge mistake, but until now, he was the only one who had lost trust. I was just as capable of breaking his heart, and I didn’t need to sleep with someone else to do it.

I returned, wearing one of Taylor’s T-shirts as a nightgown, carrying the rolled up comforter in my arms. He was still sitting on the end of the bed, his head in his hands.

“I’m going to stay,” I said. “We have a lot to work out. But don’t make me feel like I need to console you. When you’re around me, you’re going to have to suck it up.”

He nodded and pushed himself back until he was at the head of the bed. He watched me fan out the blanket, and then I turned down the covers on my side of the bed.

“Can I hold you?” he asked.

“No,” I said simply, lying down and turning my back to him.