“Yes,” I said, a little annoyed he was being so flippant about it.

He his head back. “I’ve already thought about it, baby. No worries.”

“That right there shows me you haven’t thought this through.”

“There are a million ways for us to try to get pregnant. If none of them work, there’s adoption.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “You don’t get it. I’ve told you. This was supposed to happen. You can’t just screw with the order of things.”

“You don’t really believe that shit … about it being your punishment.”

I barely nodded. It sounded crazy when he said it out loud.

“Baby, don’t you think you’ve been punished enough?”

Tears burned my eyes. Without any idea what to expect or any way to prepare, I’d assumed this would be an emotional conversation one way or another.

“You’re already the best thing to ever happen to me. Stop showing off.”

Taylor pulled me in, holding me tight. He kissed my hair.

“What if I told you I don’t want to adopt?” I asked, glad that I didn’t have to look him in the face.

He hesitated. “I’m … surprised.”

“I know you want kids. I don’t want to take that away from you. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, and I just can’t. I would be too afraid to try to adopt. I’d worry about so many different things, like who gave the baby up and why. What if one of the family members decided to take the child back? I can’t chance losing a child twice. I just … I can’t.”

“I didn’t think about it that way.”

“I know.”

“I understand. I mean … we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

“This is something we need to address now. You want kids. I can’t get pregnant, and I don’t want to adopt. That’s a big deal. We can’t wait and see, Taylor. Then it will be too late.”

“I want you.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. “I want you to think about it for a while.”

“Jesus Christ, Falyn. Do you really think I have to think about it? No. I’m not giving you up. You’re not giving me up.”

My face crumpled, and I shook my head. “That right there tells me you’re not taking this seriously.”

“I hear what you’re offering. My answer is no. If we end up being alone but together, I can think of worse things.”

I sniffed. “This is why moving in together hasn’t felt right. I know better than to let you do this without really thinking it through.”

“But it feels right to bail? Fuck that,” he said, standing. He paced a few times and then came back.