And she’d be trembling so vulnerable and yet so undeniably wanting it, the little minx

And just before they kiss

There would exist nothing else but this moment suspended in time

Between them

And it would feel like forever.

ARTY and LOUISE stare at each other, lost in the moment before he gently lifts her upright.

Music fades and everything returns to normal.

They do not break eye contact.

LOUISE: You may just be the sweetest man I’ve ever met.

ARTY: Mum says it’s all the sugar I eat.

Beat.

I love you, Louise.

Beat.

LOUISE pulls away.

LOUISE: We’ve been working closely together and that can confuse people and make them feel… like in the army when straight men turn homosexual because, well, my Uncle Henry convinced himself he loved a boy called Darrell because he got so confused with the bombs and there being no women and the way men look built in uniforms—

ARTY: I love the way you’re good at maths, and that your favourite colour is navy blue ’cause that’s mine too, and how you speak crisp clean letters and sound your vowels and how you hold yourself. Like you could look at anyone and you wouldn’t fidget or get nervous—you’d hold them in your eye and keep your back straight and they’d blink first.

Beat.

LOUISE: I was the multiplication tables champion of the whole school when I was only eight. And no-one has ever complimented me on my arithmetic before. No-one even noticed.

ARTY: I did.

LOUISE: Yes, you did.

Beat.

You can’t do this, Arthur. If you knew things—

ARTY: What things?

LOUISE: Things that you should know! Things like telling someone you love them and that they’re beautiful—you can’t, it’s not fair.

ARTY: I didn’t mean to upset you—

LOUISE: Well, I’m upset! And that’s just like you, Arthur! Being sweet and observant without thinking!

ARTY gingerly holds out his hand.

LOUISE looks at it.

And what do you think you’re doing with that?

ARTY shrugs.

LOUISE hesitates but finally puts her hand in his.

ARTY: What do we do now?

JOJO walks in, just in time to observe this moment of intimacy.

JOJO: ARTHUR!

133 DAYS

PRODUCER: Cut to

A truly enormous man

The only thing between his nakedness and us is a faded tea towel, which covers the space we presume to be between his legs

Super

Kenneth Jones, 452 kilograms, Houston

KENNETH: Let me splain something to you about addiction, right? There’s this way of huntin’ monkeys in Africa where you put food in a box fixed to the ground. So this monkey puts his little paw inside that hole easy as banana split, baby, and he can pull it out just as easy whenever he wants—but he can’t take the food out with him. So your monkey hunter can have himself a good time, get some tequila, women, whatever it is your monkey hunters do for kicks, right? ’Cause when he comes back to this box a week later, he’s gonna find himself a dead starved monkey and you know what? That dumb bastard’s paw still gonna be in the box. Everyone got something they need bad, that they can’t do without. Love, drugs, whatever. And they do whatever ugly business necessary to get it.