all during this i can see guys passing—oops, i mean “people”—i can see these people passing in front of the doorway, i could, deb was just off to the side enough to miss it, thank heavens… tweezers all out, picking up scraps of whatever, the snap! of flashbulbs, some muffled talk about an upcoming jazz game…i’m starting to feel queasy. the heat of the room, maybe, and the sitting there as this almost unbearable thing unfolds in front of us…we’d hardly had a moment to hold each other, deborah and myself, to cry and, you know, just… and this happens, this dragnet episode takes place right in our living room…and i start to feel sick. i did. i hide it pretty well, but i felt it all the same…

pause.