the rest you know…on his fourteenth birthday, billie and me, we rented a car—we were living in utah by then, out with some relatives at that point—and we drove to arizona to meet his father, we’d planned this, the two of us, by letter, and agreed it’d be just the one time…he was, umm, you know, married by this time, married and teaching in phoenix, no children, though, isn’t that funny? no kids ’cause his wife had a part of her uterus, i guess, some thing, that wouldn’t work properly, but they didn’t adopt and just kept trying naturally, over and over. i thought that was the only real sad part ’a all this—so, it’d just be this once, at a motel that he’d picked in town. one time when we’d all sit down and see each other. again, at least, the two of us, again…

she fiddles with the edge of the tape player.

this thing’s almost run out…

she looks up but there is no answer.

okay. (BEAT) we met at the room. ’s a terribly hot day, at least for december it was, ’s how i remember it, anyway, and we were tired from the travel, but he was there, as promised, hardly seemed any older, which kind ’a sucked, i thought, ’cause i’d changed—i mean, look at me, right?—and it was this big moment for billie, ’s all excited, and we even hugged, and it was in that second, as he leaned in to kiss my cheek, his head turned toward me and maybe it was just the light, the sun coming in the room, but i saw something there, there in his eyes…he loved this boy, all that shit he’d said to me years ago, it was true about kids. he loved ’em. but also…he was satisfied, i could see that, satisfaction on his face…because he’d gotten away with it all. that’s what i saw, shining in his eyes, as he moved forward to kiss me. he’d beaten fate…and gotten away with it. (BEAT) after dinner, we had a bucket of store-bought chicken in the room, billie got a couple packages—one was a book of myths, imagine that—he said he wanted to see us again before we left. he had to run to school for about an hour, a science fair, i guess, but he’d be back. he promised he’d be right back. the last time i saw him, there at the door, he mentioned that word, that…umm, well, whatever, he said it and smiled, as he stepped out onto the balcony he smiled to me and whispered, “maybe it’s not our fault after all. i mean, we’re just human, right?”

pause.