i really don’t wanna, umm, elaborate too much on, well, you know, cover all the relationship stuff a whole lot, ’cause if you’ve talked to him you know it already, anyway, right? maybe more than you want to… (BEAT) we started seeing each other, you know, as much as a junior high school teacher and a thirteen-year-old can see each other, that’s what we began to do. we started doing that. and i know what you’re thinking, or have thought it to each other, laughing and stuff, that it’s my own fault or that he was some type ’a molester, whatever, but you wouldn’t really be true about that. either side of that. we, umm…just liked each other. and would kiss and things, not so much, but kiss and little hugs and stuff—i’d sneak into his classroom at lunch for, like, just seconds sometimes, and we’d hug—that’s what we’d do.

pause.

my fourteenth birthday…’s in march, i’m a pisces…”the fish.” how ’bout that? i guess it was really the weekend of, the actual day fell on a thursday, but that saturday, he, umm, picked me up at the library, the downtown branch, where i did book sorting on a volunteer basis, ’cause you get a bunch of privileges and stuff if you do it twice a month…but i told her, the volunteer coordinator, she was just a high school girl anyway, i told her i felt sick that day and he picked me up and we went driving, i asked where but he said, “it’s a surprise,” so i sat back in the o1’ peugeot, the sun roof was up, ’s a real nice day out, and just kind ’a drifted off to the sound of the wind rushing by. the wind and billie holiday singing sad on the back speakers…

she stops, gathering her thoughts a moment.