It was like a scene on a Hallmark card. The successful D.C. politician enters his home with his loving wife, and their loyal and loving toy poodle greets them both. The only thing missing was the snow falling, the smell of eggnog, and the sounds of Nat King Cole singing “White Christmas.” This was definitely a scene I could get used to, and Langston was looking more like the kind of man I could settle down with.

“Montana, this is Juicy. Arguably the only consistent female in my life. Juicy, this is Montana, arguably the only female who I wished had never stopped being the only consistent female in my life.” At that moment, I wanted to jump into his arms so I could be petted and stroked like Juicy.

“Can I pet her?” I asked, wanting to receive some of the love that she was obviously receiving. Juicy looked so sweet. So loving. So calm and affectionate. The kind of dog anyone would instantly fall in love with.

“Of course,” Langston responded. “Of course.”

I reached out to pet her. “Grrrrrrrrrr!!!” Barking and snarling, Juicy’s little teeth dripped with saliva as she transformed herself from shy sweet puppy poodle into Cujo the killer dog, nearly biting my entire hand off.

“Juicy, stop! Stop, Juicy! Juicy, sit!” He put her down on the floor, “Sit, Juicy! Don’t mind Juicy, she gets a little protective. She’s just marking her territory. Like most women, she wants you to know that she is the woman of the house.”

“Grrrrrrrr!”

“It’s all right, Juicy. She doesn’t mean any harm.”

Leaning down, he pulled out a doggie treat from his pocket and hand fed it to her. After a moment, she calmed down.

“What I’ve learned is that Juicy responds favorably to continuous positive verbal reinforcement. I missed you today, Juicy.” He spoke while petting his dog. “Juicy loves affection. Constant stroking, petting, and rubbing. Quite an interesting case study. Look at how pretty you are, Juicy,” he said, still stroking. “Then once you’ve fulfilled their need for attention, you are free to go about your day and attend to whatever needs attending to. Just like with a woman. The similarities in characteristics are frightening.”

Uh oh. Reverse my earlier reversal of the nasty things I had called him in my head. Langston man was at it again. Right about now, I wasn’t sure if his canine comparisons to women and his obsession with Juicy were cute or if they were sick. So I inquired, seeking the deeper meaning to his recent fascination with a toy poodle.

“Langston, I would have never pictured you with a dog. I mean, with your schedule as hectic as it is, it just seems odd,” I said, hoping not to offend.