“Raggedy? Please, this thing saved your life. If it wasn’t for this here stethoscope you wouldn’t have known whether your heart was beating or not.”

“You couldn’t hear my heart beating because you used to put it on my butt all the time.”

“What’s wrong with that? The booty has a heartbeat.”

“No, it doesn’t, stupid.”

“Yes, it does. Hold up. Let me listen one more time. Let me see what I hear.”

“You are so stupid.”

In his usual playful way, he put the stethoscope in his ears, kneeled down, and pressed it against my butt.

“You are so silly.”

“Shh. I’m trying to listen. Hold up, let me move it to the other cheek. Nothing. Now let me check your heart. I gotta make sure you’re still alive.”

“William, would you stop acting so stupid?”

“I’m not acting stupid; I’m trying to save your life!” Placing the stethoscope over the outside of my shirt, over my heart, he listened closely.

“What do you hear?”

“Wait. There it is. It’s beating. Looks like you’re going to live. See that? Good thing you know a doctor who makes house calls.”

“Is that the only thing you make?” Uh oh. Obviously the alcohol had started writing checks that my body would soon be obligated to cash. Even so, I was happy I had asked. And I was even happier that I could blame it on the alcohol.

“Actually it’s not. Every so often I’ve been known to make a few other things.”

“Like what?” Damned alcohol. Now it wasn’t just a check, it was a cashier’s check.

“Well you know, things like fire.”

“How do you do that?” It was now a direct deposit. Montana, what are you doing?

“You start by putting in a couple of logs and waiting for a spark. After the spark, there’s usually some smoke, and where there’s smoke there’s fire.”

“Okay, so you make house calls, and fire. Is that it?”

“Now that you asked, no, that’s not all I make. I can also make love.”

“How do you do that?”

“Well, you start with two people. Two people that are attracted to each other. That trust each other. That want each other. Love each other.”

“And what do you do after you’ve found these people?”