Cali and Jules squeal, grabbing on to my free arm with excitement, as if me joining in on their fun tonight is the best thing ever. To them, I’m on board to party, but really, I’m searching for numbness I used to possess naturally. Daily. Around the damn clock.

But it evades me, instead forcing me into a pathetic little part of my mind where I’m all the things I never wanted to be.

Needy.

Greedy.

Among other things.

But this...

I look around the party bus the others rented to take us a whole 3 miles and grab one of the personal shots from the ice bar as I make my way to a seat. I twist the top on the tiny bottle, eyeing the golden liquid in my palm. My head is already getting fuzzy, and I’m grateful for it.

A small grin forms on my lips and I drink it in one go.

This should help.

Cali lifts her phone, pressing her lips to my cheek while I blow kisses at the screen, a bottle in my left hand, sucker in my right.

Only when I place the lollipop between my lips and Cali giggles, saying something about my tongue game, do I realize she’s not taking a picture but recording.

I laugh, bending at the waist to get out of the shot and she giggles, moving it along the group instead.

Scott comes up behind me, his smile disappearing into my neck, only to steal the liquor from my hand.

I roll my eyes, pushing to my feet, and chuckling at myself when I nearly lose my balance, but Dax is there to catch my fall.

He smiles. “Look who decided to let loose.”

“Look who is really far away from his girlfriend.”

Both of us turn to where Jules is already passed out drunk, sleeping on her folded arms on Scott’s dinette table.

He sighs, his shoulders sagging. “Yeah, I should get her into the spare bedroom.”

I pat at his chest and free myself, moving over to the deck’s edge.

I bob around to the music, tipping my head back and forth and raising my arms in the air, only to drag them back down, but my hand hits the ledge and the glass I didn’t realize I grabbed on my way over slips from my palm, falling to the floor beneath it with a distant crash.

Laughing, I lean for a better look and several others make their way over.

“It was just a glass.” I look their way, but their eyes aren’t on me.

They’re focused on the vineyard below.

Facing forward, I squint, trying to see through the night, but the stars aren’t so bright this evening.

And then the liquor-induced fire swirling in my stomach doubles, but for a very different reason.