Myron nodded. She had a point. "Was it tough coming back?" he asked.

"You mean in terms of playing or leaving my son?"

"Both."

She took a breath and considered the question. "I

missed playing," she said. "You have no idea how much.

I regained the number one spot in a couple of months. As for Chad, well, he was still an infant. I hired a nanny to travel with us."

"How long did that last?" "

"Until Chad was three. That's when I realized that I

couldn't drag him around anymore. It wasn't fair to him.

A child needs same sort of stability. So I had to make choice."

They fell into silence.

"Don't get me wrong," she said. "I'm not into the self-pity thing and I'm glad women are given choices. But what they don't tell you is that when you have choices, you have guilt."

"What kind of guilt?"

"A mother's guilt, the worst kind there is. The pangs are constant and ceaseless. They haunt your sleep. They point accusatory fingers. Every joyous swing of the golf club made me feel like I was forsaking my own child.

I flew home as often as I could. I missed some tournaments that I really wanted to play in. I tried damn hard to balance career and motherhood. And every step of the way, I felt like a selfish louse." She looked at him. "Do you understand that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"But you don't really sympathize," she added.

"Of course I do."

Linda Coldren gave him a skeptical glance. "If I had been a stay-at-home mother, would you have been so quick to suspect that Chad was behind this? Didn't the fact that I was an absent mother sway your thinking?"

"Not an absent mother," Myron corrected. "Absent parents."

"Same thjng."

"No. You were making more money. You were by far the more successful parent business-wise. If anyone should have stayed home, it was Jack." `

She smiled. "Aren't we politically correct'?"

"Nope. Just practical."

"But it's not that simple, Myron. Jack loves his son.

And during the years he didn't qualify for the tour, he did stay home with him. But let's face facts: Like it or not, it's the mother who bears that burden."

"Doesn't make it right."

"Nor does it let me off the hook. Like I said, I made my choices. If I had to do it all over again, I still would have toured."

"And you still would have felt guilty."

She nodded. "With choice comes guilt. No escaping it." '

Myron took a sip of his Yoo-Hoo. "You said that Jack stayed home some of the time."

"Yes," she said. "When he failed Q school."

"Q school?"

"Qualifying school," she said. "Every year the top 125 moneymakers get their PGA Tour card automatically.

A couple of other players get sponsor exemptions. The rest are forced to go to Q school. Qualifying school. If you don't do well there, you don't play for the year."