"Fair," Myron said.

"Very fair, am I right? I am a very fair man."

"Let's not push it, Norm."

Norm put up both hands, palms out. "Fine, be that way. I'm fair. Good enough, I'll take it." He looked over toward Esme Fong. "Keep in mind, Myron is my adversary.

My worst enemy. We're always on opposite sides.

Yet he is willing to admit that I'm a fair man. We straight on that?"

Esme rolled her eyes. "Yes, Norm, but you're preaching to the converted. I already told you that I agreed with you on this "

"Whoa," Norm said, as though reining in a frisky pony. "Just hold the phone a sec, because I want Myron's opinion too. Myron, here's the deal. I bought a golf bag.

Just one. I wanted to test it out. Cost me fifteen grand for the year."

Buying a golf bag meant pretty much what it said.

Norm Zuckerman had bought the rights to advertise on a golf bag. In other words, he put a Zoom logo on it. Most of the golf bags were bought by the big golf companiesPing, Titleist, Golden Bear, that kind of thing. But more and more often, companies that had nothing to do with golf advertised on the bags. McDonald's, for example.

Spring-Air mattresses. Even Pennzoil oil. Pemizoil. Like someone goes to a golf tournament, sees the Pennzoil logo, and buys a can of oil.

"So?" Myron said.

"So, look at it!" Norm pointed at a caddie. "I mean, just look at it!" .

"Okay, I'm looking."

"Tell me, Myron, do you see a Zoom logo?"

The caddie held the golf bag. Like on every golf bag, there were towels draped over the top in order to clean off the clubs.

Norm Zuckerman spoke in a first-grade teacher singsong. "You can answer orally, Myron, by uttering the syllable 'no.' Or if that's too taxing on your limited vocabulary, you can merely shake your head from side to side like this." Norm demonstrated.

"It's under the towel," Myron said.

Norm dramatically put his hand to his ear. "Pardon?"

"The logo is under the towel."

"No shit it's under the towel!" Norm railed. Spectators turned and glared at the crazy man with the long hair and heavy beard. "What good does that do me, huh?

When I film an advertisement for TV, what good would it do me if they stick a towel in front of the camera? When I

pay all those schmucks a zillion dollars to wear my sneakers, what good would it do me if they wrapped their feet in towels? If every billboard I had was covered with a great big towel "

"I get the picture, Norm."

"Good. I'm not paying fifteen grand for some idiot caddie to cover my logo. So I go over to the idiot caddie and I kindly tell him to move the towel away from my logo and the son of a bitch gives me this look. This look, Myron. Like I'm some brown stain he couldn't rinse out of the toilet. Like I'm this little ghetto Jew who's gonna take his goy crap."